When I was young, I'd dream of what my life would be as a grown up woman. I dreamed of teaching a classroom of children with faces upturned with eagerness to learn as I taught. I dreamed of a handsome, godly man who would fall madly in love with me and would grow old with me. I dreamed of having a rough and tumble little boy and a spirited girl. (I like girly, girls, but I love girls with a little sass and a lot of sparkle in their eyes.)
Years later as I lay on the table during my ultrasound for my second child, I had just a millisecond of sadness when the doctor announced that I was having another boy. I LOVE being the mom of two boys, and God has abundantly blessed me with 6 beautiful nieces that I adore. With two boys, though, I never got to use the name for a girl that I've loved since I was a teen--Hannah. I came to love that name as I read I Samuel in the Bible for the first time. Hannah has been one of my favorite women in the Bible ever since, and she was part of my reading this morning. I wanted to share a few thoughts about this committed woman.
In I Samuel 1, the story starts with the lineage of Elkanah, Hannah's husband. We find out that Elkanah, the sly devil, had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah was the fertile one. We don't know how many children Peninnah had, but in vs 4 it refers to "all her sons and daughters". It sounds like sister Peninnah certainly had a quiver-full. Hannah, on the other hand, had no children.
Even though Barry and I have 2 children, it was difficult to get pregnant both times. There was a wait and waiting was hard. I have just a glimpse into the pain of infertility. I have friends who have had larger struggles with infertility. Some ended with adoptions and some with bio-babies, but all women who have waited for a baby can feel the ache of Hannah's empty arms.
After enduring a wait of many years and the torment of Penninah, Hannah's heart could contain no more. Vs 10 says, "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord." Eli, the priest, saw her praying silently and chastised her for being drunk. Hannah responded in vs 15-16, "Not so, my lord...I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."
In these verses, I found a woman who was able to pour it all out to the Lord. Somewhere along the line, I picked up the notion that I wasn't supposed to do that. I began to think that it was only spiritual to pray for others and that "stuffing" was the appropriate response to the aches in my own heart. God showed me through Hannah that I need to pour it all out to Him. It still doesn't always come easy to me. I'm a glass-half-full girl, and I don't always deal well with negative thoughts and emotions. I tend to use the Scarlett O'Hara method of "I'll think about that tomorrow" or the opposite extreme of being consumed and overwhelmed.
Hannah shows a better way. Is your heart full of bitterness today? Pour it out to Jesus. Is it locked in unforgiveness? Pour it out to Jesus. Are you grieving over a loss? Pour it out to Jesus. Are you angry at God for unanswered prayer? Pour it out and tell Him. Are you consumed with worry over a situation? Pour it out and give it to Him. Are you like Hannah and suffering with the pain of infertility? Pour it out to Jesus.
I've been pouring out the last couple of weeks about friendships, finances and grief for my uncle's illness. Each time I come away with knowing that God is the keeper of my heart and the lover of my soul. He is faithful to pour out compassion and grace into my heart after its been emptied of all the bitterness, grief and worry. Empty your heart before Him today like Hannah and ask Him to fill it with the comfort and peace that only He can offer.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Hannah
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7 comments:
What a great post! I am such a control freak that I don't let myself pour it all out there with God, I stuff it in too. It's refreshing to know that God wants us to lay it all out for Him. I read a story this morning in 1Samuel 30 where David and his men return to find their wives and children taken captive and their homes burned. The passage says they lifted their voices and wept until they had no strength. Then it said that David found his strength in God, but the people turned bitter and wanted to take revenge on David. I didn't recall this story at all, but it was so refreshing that God is our supply; He alone is our comfort.
Girl that was such a good post! Love that name too-got me a Hannah. It means grace of God and boy does she live up to that. I can relate though because I dreamed of a boy and a girl too. But I got two girls. My Hannah though is such a tom boy! God is funny like that. He knows exactly what we need. It is such a blessing to raise these little ones for Him.
Our and I have done my share of pouring out to the Lord as well. I often wonder what it looks like to others like Hannah and Eli.
Much love,
Angela
I can't tell you how much I needed to hear this message today. I am definitely a stuffer. For the past year my family has had one crisis after another. We've gotten through each one but I've stuffed a little bit of fear and anger from each one. And just this weekend I found out that my best friend has breast cancer. Just 5 years ago we lost her mother to breast cancer. So I stuffed some more. After reading Hannah I couldn't keep it in anymore. I opened up and gave it all to God knowing only he will be able to give me the wisdom to help my friend and her family (4 beautiful children 2 girls and 2 boys).
Mom of 4,
I'm both grieving and rejoicing with you. I grieve with you over your friend's diagnosis and the suffering of this past year. I rejoice with you that you've poured it out to the One who is sufficient to both handle the circumstances and comfort you. I'm praying for you as soon as I finish writing that you'll have the wisdom and strength to be Jesus to your friend.
Much love,
Amy
Thankyou it is refreshing to hear from someone who has some sympathy with those of us who will always be childless with no possibility of adoption or bio babies. I knew at 23 that my husband and I weren't able to have children naturally and God quite clearly let us know that he didn't want us to go for any other option. The intervening 20 years have been very painfull trying to understand the reasons and the pain doesn't get any less as the years pass by. I still feel very jealous and am often moved to tears every time I someone with a child and particularly when I see a lady who is obviously pregnant. I thas been specially hard this week as someone the same age as me who I work with just had twins after 10 years of trying and had no artificial help. I am both excited and in dread at the thought of seeing them. Please pray that i will deal with the situation with good grace.
I have a 22-year-old daughter, Hannah, and a 19-year-old son, Nathan. Both are blessings of the Lord. Both are very talented and creative beings, both in music and art. They are very loving and giving. I had so wanted a girl at first and the first words out of my mouth after she was born was with a big, tired sigh, "She's here." If Nathan had been a girl, she would have been named Heather. If Hannah had been a boy, he would have been named David. Your post was wonderful. God bless you for your faithful and obedient ministry.
To anonymous who is childless - I'm right there with you sister. It IS good to hear from someone who has some sympathy and understanding. Oh how I feel like Hannah some days, the ache in my heart so big it clouds out anything else. I have been married for almost 21 years, always hoping to have children. At this point (I'm almost 40), I'm not real interested in being pregnant, even though others my age are still having babies. But my grief and the ache of no children, I wonder if it will ever go away somedays. I will pray for you my sister in faith, as I pray for myself - that God may use this grief for His glory and that He will fill the gapping hole in our hearts. Blessings for your day.
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