Lies, Exaggerations and Beefing Up Your Story

It all started when I felt the need to email my sister-in-law to tell her that the part in my previous post about their "looks of horror" toward my boys was "tongue-in-cheek". Then I actually felt the need to ask her about it. Shouldn't I have known that all those little pricks of conscience were a warning?

I've run smack into trying to soften a sin--a sin I committed publically in my blog. I exaggerated a story to try to make it bigger, funnier and more entertaining at someone else's expense. I've been encouraged recently that I need to be transparent. I need to let women know that I'm a real woman, warts and all. Some of my friends have exposed zits, messy rooms and weight gain. I just hate that I'm the one to confess to such an egregious sin, the sin of lying, but here I am. I'm sorry, and I've learned an important lesson. Not only did I grieve the Lord, but I probably hurt people that I really love. That's the truth.

It hurts to see sin in ourselves, doesn't it? I have a major heart ache at the moment. Recognizing sin and bringing it out in the light of Jesus is so much better than the alternative, though. As my friend Zoe says, "Things swept under the rug don't just lie there. They rot." My pride and anxiety of what you'll think of me made me want to repent of my sin in secret, but even that would be less than truthful. This was hard, but I know I'll sleep better tonight without anything under my rug!

Marvelously Masculine

Genesis 1:27, “So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.” (NLT)

I have the distinct blessing of having a brother that I adore and a sister-in-law that is one of my best friends. The differences between boys and girls became very apparent as Barry and I had our boys, and Jason and Janet had their first 2 girls. The girls were so sweet, content and quiet. The boys were so energetic, impatient and LOUD! The cousin-love is unbeatable, though, and we enjoy each other's children tremendously. With all the testosterone in my house, I love shopping trips with my mom, Janet and the nieces.

God made both men and women in His image. Although He is spirit, He embodies all the wonderful qualities found in each sex. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the various aspects of His glory with which God has imbued each sex. This week, out of love and admiration, I’m going to start with the men. These traits, as in the female traits that will be discussed, are evidenced in both genders, but they shine brightest in the masculine.
God is a Warrior—Jehovah-Sabaoth, translated “the Lord of hosts”, is the name in Hebrew that describes God as the commander of the army of angels and the people of God. He is a god who protects His people fiercely and wages war against their spiritual enemies. Even from the time they’re very small, boys wage imaginary battles that display their warrior hearts. God created men in His image with courage and bravery that protects and defends with no thought to self. “The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” (Psalm 46:7 NIV) Men, who needs you to be a warrior for them?
God is a Provider—Jehovah-Jireh, “God provides”, is a name that brings comfort to those in need. God provides for us physically, spiritually and emotionally. This gender trait is a high calling for men. Many of the people in our world need so much more than a paycheck. Being a true provider requires both strength and great sensitivity. It requires a work ethic that values provision of spiritual leadership, emotional empathy and material necessities. Men are called to imitate God “...who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” (I Timothy 6:17 NIV)
God is a Father—This may be one of the most difficult traits for our culture to grasp. In a society plagued with absentee, abusive and emotionally disconnected fathers, Satan has struck a huge blow to the glory of fatherhood. However, God exemplifies the type of Father that He calls each man to be. He is loving, compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. He calls His children into a loving, intimate relationship and sends “...the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father.’” (Galatians 4:6b)
Being surrounded by males at my house is a blessing to me. They have a high calling to imitate and reflect the masculine character of God. As women, we are called to do the same. Next we celebrate sisterhood!

Respond:
God, we thank you for how rich our world is because of both male and female. Help us to support each other as your children reveal your glory. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Apply:
If you are a man, consider your character traits. Are they ones that imitate and glorify God?

If you are a woman, find one trait that displays God’s character in a man that you love and praise it.

Answering Your Questions

It's such an honor to be able to answer some of your questions from Lysa's blog about She Speaks! It was life-changing for me when I attended before applying for the speaker team, and God surprised me by making it just as life-changing last year. As a new speaker team member, I hope my insights as a "newby" will really hit your hearts.

Getting Started

My big question is this, just how do you start? In otherwords, how do you get churches, women's groups, etc. to see you as a viable speaker when your experience speaking is very minimal?

As a women's ministry director, I was getting many chances to teach small groups in our church in Burlington, NC, but I was most consumed with the day-to-day details of the larger ministry. One Sunday, right before our move to Holly Springs, my pastor asked me to share the sermon with him. He wanted a woman's perspective shared about his topic. Afterward, I remember thinking, "Wow! I didn't hate that at all. In fact, I feel like that is what I was created for." It was a shocking thought. In my prayer journal, I wrote that I believed God was calling me to a speaking ministry. Even as I wrote it, I wondered how in the world that would come about.

After our move, it was particularly hard. I went from one-hundred-miles-an-hour ministry to a dead stop. For the next few months, God continued to pour vision into my heart, but I wasn't seeing anything happen externally. One day in a place of depression, I cried out to God for a sign. I didn't ask for anything in particular. I just felt so lonely and sad that I needed God to show me that He saw me in this hard place. Later that week, I got a call asking me to lead a women's retreat for a church in a nearby town. It was COMPLETELY unexpected. Thank goodness that it was in the form of a message on the answering machine. I sobbed for about an hour! That answer to prayer was sooo much bigger than anything I had imagined.

From that point on, God began opening doors for me to speak. Astonishingly, they were all completely unrelated. God spoke to me, "Amy, this is not anything that you will orchestrate. It will happen in such a way that you will know that it is only because of Me." God knows my control-freakishness and independent spirit so well that He has to be very clear with me! He did it lots of different ways. One lady called me from out of town after she attended a funeral at our church. She first called our women's ministry director who pointed her to me. Amazing!

I also eventually sent out a letter and a bio sheet to everybody I knew. I needed the prayers of my friends and family, but I also asked them to pray about giving my bio sheet to women's ministry leaders in their church. I have had quite a few opportunities come out of that mailing. I'm so thankful for friends who have believed in me.

As God opened doors, I spoke without a fee. When leaders asked me about my fee, I simply asked them to pray about an honorarium. That was good for them and good for me. It helped relieve the pressure of expectations. It also built deep into my heart a humility and a strong desire to serve women . Speaking and writing are not simply a career for me. Sometimes I spoke for a gift or a hug, but the fact that God was creating opportunities to speak, learn and grow was enough.

Finally, I got to a point where I knew that I had learned all that I could on my own. I started asking around and researching conferences on the Internet, and God led me to She Speaks. I went to the conference so afraid that I literally made myself sick the week before, but what I found there set me free. God met me there to confirm and enlarge my vision. The staff and speakers of P31 were more loving and nurturing than I could have even imagined. I was challenged, built up and renewed by God's Spirit and His people.

If you still have questions left, come and see at She Speaks! When you get there, make sure to come and find me. I'd love to give you more than a cyber-hug. I want to look in your eyes and confirm to you that God can use your story and your life.

Gossip

How do you deal with the insecurity, gossiping, and judgemental attitudes that sometimes come with women that are being ministered to?

Lady Astor is famously quoted as saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say...come sit next to me!" I'm ashamed to admit that I've fallen prey to that same habit. Although I pridefully would not repeat gossip, I sure did love to hear it. God has brought me a long way, and that is why I wanted to answer the question about gossip in women's ministry. It surely is one of the plagues of women in general, but gossip can be the absolute downfall of a women's ministry.

When God called me as our women's ministry director in our previous church, one wise pastor told me that I needed a mentor and pointed me to our church receptionist, Mona. I will be forever thankful for that godly advice. Mona is not only a woman of the Word but a woman of great discretion. I needed that strong example as I began to lead, because as I've expressed, I didn't quite have that area of my life under control.

I was not yet a month into leadership when a friend reported to me that there was a lot of talk about what I was and was not accomplishing. I was devastated. I called Mona who told me that I must confront it immediately. With great fear and trembling, I called the women who were at the center and sweetly said (at Mona's direction), "I hear that you have some concerns about women's ministry. I would love to hear about some of your ideas." I'm sure there was talk after that, but the majority was quelled. I learned some important lessons:

• Confront gossip lovingly but directly
  
• Create an atmosphere in which women can come directly to you with concern and criticism

The other lesson I learned was from Mona and another friend named Bonita. At a shower, some of us had lapsed into gossip when Bonita (who was younger but obviously more godly than any of us!) said, "Girls, we are now going down a road that we need not be going down." All of us stood there dumbfounded and ashamed, but it was so inspiring to see Bonita adopt a righteous stand that none of us could be mad (and she wouldn't have cared if we had been). Mona, who was the receptionist at church and could have wrecked total havoc on our church had she been a gossip, NEVER allowed gossip in her presence. I spent many hours on the bench in her office seeking counsel. When someone would come in with gossip, she would simply say, "Beloved, that is just not something I need to know." It was done so lovingly but so firmly that almost everyone would be silenced. Here are the lessons I learned:

• You are either known as a woman who gossips or one who doesn't. People will respond to you accordingly.


• As a leader, we MUST set the standard for our women that gossiping or listening to gossip (that one's harder) is unacceptable for godly women.

I can't say that our women's ministry was completely without gossip, but it was amazingly peaceful thanks to the example of Mona and many like her. I strive to become one of those following her example as she follows Jesus!

Calling All Speakers, Writers and Leaders!

I'm going to have a short break from a series that I'm posting about gender (see today's earlier post for part 1) to give some more information about She Speaks, Proverbs 31 Ministries' conference for speakers, writers, women's ministry leaders and teen girls. Lysa Terkeurst, our president, wrote an awesome blog today about the conference. Click here to read her blog and learn more about the conference. I've written previously about how life-changing the conference was for me. Don't you dare miss it if God is calling you! (Plus I long to see your beautiful shiny faces!!)

Also, Lysa gave a call for questions and had to close the comments at 87 questions. Yikes! She's calling on our team for the answers. I'll address one question tomorrow, and there will be a little blog treasure hunt for the rest. Check her blog and then the others for everything you've ever wanted to know about She Speaks.

Don't forget to tune back in on Sunday for the part II about gender. I'll be posting the edition on women on Monday, too!

In His Very Image--Part 1

Genesis 1:27, “So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.” (NLT)

When I read of the creation of humanity in Genesis, I am always stunned and awed by the phrase, “So God created people in his own image...” What an unimaginable statement! When I look at myself I struggle to understand, but when I look at a baby, I can stretch my imagination in the direction of that truth. A baby is so beautiful, so unspoiled and so innocent. It only takes a couple of years on the earth, though, before that baby’s true sin nature begins to show itself. Even before the formation of real words, humanity’s self-centered, other-demeaning essence begins to rear its ugly head.

And yet, scripture says that I am made in His image, and you are made in His image. What qualities do people display that put the image of God on exhibit? This may strike you as funny, but I first started thinking about this while watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition last weekend. Despite the cruelty and depravity that mankind inflicts on one another every day, there is something within each of us that is inspired by selfless acts of sacrifice and giving. That’s why I love to watch Extreme Home Makeover with my kids. It gives us hope that God’s image truly is living within us whether we even acknowledge His existence or not.

Organizations such as the Peace Corps, Samaritan’s Purse, the Red Cross and Compassion International display God’s image through man. The motivations of the participants may vary, and yet reaching out to the wounded, feeding the hungry and teaching the poor are all parts of God’s inherent character. Even when non-believers invest their lives in such activities, they are unwittingly giving testimony to the greatness of God.

When we are elevated by the arts, literature and higher learning, we extol the wisdom and omnipotence of God. Humans fall so far short of His higher ways and thoughts, and yet when we try to understand His creation through science and His world order through philosophy, we are reflecting some of the power of His image.

I see, though, how I can get mired in indulging the parts of me that are fallen and corrupted rather than the part created in His image. When I feed my mind with images of distorted beauty and conspicuous consumption, otherwise known as greed, I can stuff His loveliness that lives in me into a box. When the entertainment industry sells me on violence, sexual immorality and the lowest human denominator, I tarnish the brightness of His image in me. I grieve at how easily His image can be obscured in me.

In the next few weeks, I’ll consider how each of us, men and women, are made in His image. We’ll look at how His character is reflected in humankind. I hope you’ll lift your spiritual eyes and hearts with me, and in the process, I hope each of us will reveal more clearly how we are made in His image.

Respond:
God, I am so awed that I am made in your image. Please transform me into an authentic and pure representation of You on the earth. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

Apply:
Pray and ask God to show you where you are made in His image. He loves you, because He has created you!

Meta--Jonah: Into the Whale and Out Again!

I promised our group that I'd post some of the pics from our fantastic weekend. To explain for the rest of you, our church hosts an awesome (TRULY AMAZING) in-town retreat for the youth in our area called Metamorphosis. This was the first year that our whole family got involved as we hosted a group of middle school boys. I have to be honest; I was really nervous! This was the most fantastic group of godly young men, though, and we all had a blast. My house was left in as good as condition as they found it, I did get some sleep (even though I look sleepy in my picture) and each boy inspired me to love Jesus more. Guys, you ROCK!!! We are definitely doing this again next year, and you are all invited! Tell your parents that they should be proud.

(By the way, if you haven't read the book of Jonah recently, take some time to read it and meditate on it this week. It was our theme for Meata, and it has the most powerful lessons of personal obedience and God's amazing mercy. Love it!)

Silk PJs

OK, girlfriends! Have a wonderful Valentine's Day, and don't forget to wear your silky pjs like my new friend Connie. If you are married, your husband will grin from ear to ear. (I know he doesn't really love my mismatched pjs that I usually wear!) If you're single, it will make you feel so sexy and feminine. Rejoice that God made you a girl. Smooches to everyone!

The Glory of Giving Back

Meet my new friend Cinthya! This is a people profile that I wrote for the paper this week, and I had to share this one. I am so blessed by her story and awed by her obedience. She pointed back to Jesus and His provision with every word. I hope you're inspired, too!

Cinthya’s Ramnarine’s childhood memories are dominated by her own illness. She had severe asthma, and the harsh New York City winters triggered long episodes of illness. Cinthya was surrounded, however, with people who loved her. Her mother’s sister, Natividad Moya, was particularly close to her family. Although Natividad never had any children of her own, Cinthya describes her as a “fabulous aunt to all her nieces and nephews.”

After watching Cinthya’s fight with asthma and her mother’s struggle to care for her with a new baby, Natividad offered to take Cinthya, then 6 years old, to the family’s native Dominican Republic. She hoped that the warmer climate would alleviate the attacks that left the child so ill, so she was willing to leave her job in the United States to take her niece to the Dominican Republic to recover.

Cinthya’s mother agreed, and so she went with her aunt to live in the Dominican Republic for a little over a year. Her aunt treated her as if she were her very own daughter. No need was overlooked. Cinthya attended private school at her aunt’s expense and was nurtured lovingly. At the end of the year, although Cinthya’s health had indeed improved, her mother missed her and wanted her to come home to the United States. Cinthya returned home, and later grew out of many of her asthmatic symptoms.

Years later, after her family moved to Holly Springs, Cinthya began attending The Village Church during their Faith in Action series. She began thinking, “How can I make a bigger difference?” She wondered, “If given an opportunity, would I be able to put my faith into action?”

Only months later, Cinthya began to hear of her aunt’s decline through family members. One of her uncles had been caring for two of his older sisters in the Dominican Republic with little help, and Cinthya felt moved to begin investigating ways she could help. Cinthya was stunned at her husband’s response to her request to bring her aunt to live with them. Ganesh said, “Maybe changing the atmosphere for her would do her good.” Those had been almost the exact words that her aunt had said to persuade Cinthya’s mother to let her go to the Dominican Republic. After a long line of God-ordained circumstances, her Aunt Natividad came to the United States to live with Cinthya, her husband Ganesh and their two children Priya (2) and Ravidave (1).

Having a household with two small children and an elderly aunt in need of much attention has stretched Cinthya almost to her limit some days. Natividad needs help almost every two hours during the night, and so Cinthya often starts her day with little sleep and a very long to-do list. She explains, “I literally do it day by day, hour by hour. I don’t think about what will happen tomorrow. I say to God, ‘You will equip me for today. You will give me what I need.’”

She describes one day in December that was particularly stressful. Everyone was clambering for her attention and uncooperative. Her aunt was particularly confused and difficult that day. When she returned to the family room, Ravidave had poured baby oil all over the carpet. In a moment of frustration and exhaustion, Cinthya began to cry. She prayed that God would bring peace and help, but nothing changed. The next day, however, was the most peaceful day that she can remember since Natividad came to live with them. “It was unbelievable! I said to the Lord, ‘Thank you, because you know that I wouldn’t be able to handle a day like yesterday.’ I just felt that everything was going to be o.k.”

The peace that fills Cinthya Ramnarine’s house belies the challenges faced by its inhabitants. Although the difficulties are great, the joy of following God’s leading and of caring for a woman who gave her so much floods Cinthya’s features and compels the hearers of her story to examine their own lives. Cinthya sums it up beautifully when she says, “That’s what God likes to do. He likes to use the least appropriate and the least able to bring glory and honor to His name.”

Rapture

Just to clarify, this is not going to be a serious post on premillenial or postmillenial. It's just a post about how much I LOVE to read. ...wanted to get that out of the way for anybody who's looking for deep theology today.

I don't know if anybody has noticed the Books by My Bed section of the blog. I copied that from somebody else's blog, but it's one of my favorite things. In case you are wondering, I do read almost all of these books and a few more thrown in. Since my 40th birthday, I've noticed that I've not finished more books than I ever have in my whole life. I'm giving myself permission not to waste my time if I don't like it within the first few chapters. Bold, huh?

Occasionally I've had the pleasure of substituting in a Sunday school class of older women. They have embraced me as younger and not as wise, and I love them too. One day, one of the women interupted the lesson and asked me when I had time to read all the books that I talked about. Before I could even answer, she said, "Oh! I know! Your house is a mess, isn't it?" The whole room cracked up.

I have to say that my house IS messier than I would like, but it's not too bad. I'm just one of these people who has a book or 2 going all the time. I have to be careful, though, because it can lead to serious neglect of my children and other living things in my charge. Mostly I only take stacks of books on vacation. I'm a bookworm, and I'm proud.

Last night I was watching Pride and Prejudice on public television (the next best thing to the printed version). Barry just shook his head as he walked upstairs. "I love even your nerdiness," he said. That was a version similar to what my college roomate and one of my best friends in the world, Anna, said when I decided to take Shakespeare as an elective and "just for fun". She double-checked with, "Are you sure you don't want to take human sexuality or underwater basketweaving?!" I was sure, and I have to admit that I loved every minute of it. My prof was as nerdy and into it as I was.

Anyway, I don't want anybody to be shocked by my selections. I'm going to be honest about what I'm reading. You can give me flak if you want, but I'll start with an admission. Everything that I read is not Christian or written by a Christian. I don't agree with everything I read, and I've pretty much trained myself to be a constant filter. I don't shrink away from reading something that I don't agree with, however. I won't read stuff with anything resembling pornography or hideous language, but I often find inspiration from ideas in books that challenge me. "Being Perfect" by Anna Quindlen is one that I based a message on. Anna is WAY left of me and probably not a believer, but she made some beautiful points. I latched onto those and forgot the rest.

"I Feel Bad About My Neck" is a book I picked up the other day by Nora Ephron. I know, the neck thing is becoming an obsession, but I couldn't resist. She expressed her love for reading in a way that I said, "Yes! That's me!!!" Here's what Nora said:

I've just surfaced from spending several days ina state of rapture--with a book. I loved this book. I loved every second of it. I was transported into its world. I was reminded of all sorts of things in my own life. I was in anguish over the fate of its characters. I fel alive, and engaged, and positively brilliant, bursting with ideas, brimming with memories of other books I've loved. I composed a dozen imaginary letters to the author, letters I'll never write, much less send..."

I encourage you to pick up Nora's book. You'll be outraged at some of what she writes, but most of it will inspire you or make you laugh, laugh, laugh!

Peace

Colossians 3:15, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (NIV)

I remember clearly the day that I walked into Killer Willer’s—um, I mean Mr. Willer’s—social studies class with my new peace symbol button on my jean jacket. I was young and had missed the pertinent era, and I had no idea that I was opening quite a can of worms. Mr. Willer, a Vietnam Vet, turned bright red and then told me that I was not welcome in his class wearing the “great American chicken foot”. I was horrified that I had so offended him and relegated my new button to the drawer until I had finished his class. It was the first time I thought much about the meaning of peace and what it costs.

When I was in college, God began speaking to me that I was called to be a peacemaker. I liked that thought. I could envision myself as a diplomat smoothing over all kinds of unrest and negotiating compromise. As one who hates conflict, the roll of peacemaker fit my soul to a tee...until I began researching it in scripture. Over and over again I saw that true peace was only forged through obedience to God’s will. As a peacemaker, I wasn’t called to compromise. I was called to the black and white of God’s will.

In the past couple weeks I’ve been writing about the church and our participation as believers in the body of Christ. In Colossians 3, God issues a clear call for peace in the church. In truth, how many churches do you know to be completely peaceful? I haven’t known a single one! We can point to many reasons for this truth, but the most obvious one is our own humanness. So many times our competitiveness, our opinions, our pride, our egos, our quibbles and our pettiness stand in the way of God’s will in the church.

I have a friend who heard God utter a stunning statement in His still, small voice. It’s one I’ve taken as my own. “Amy, your opinion blocks my revelation,” says God. I know it to be true. Individual opinions destroy unity and peace in a church, while seeking the will of God builds relationships and harmony.

Our roll as peacemaker means that we’re willing to put our own opinions and pet projects aside to seek God’s will for our church side by side with our brothers and sisters. When we reach different conclusions, then we bow our heads to study scripture and pray some more. This method won’t eliminate conflict entirely—take a look in the New Testament at Paul, Barnabus, John Mark and Peter—but it puts us on a path that leads to greater peace. If each one of us takes on the responsibility of peace in our church, the results will be spectacular!

Respond:
Lord, I want to do my part to create peace in my church. Help me to bite my tongue when I want to promote my own opinions. Remind me to speak only after I’ve sought out your will. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

Apply:
What is the issue before your church today? What does scripture have to say about that issue?
Encourage prayer for God’s direction that promotes peace and unity before each decision-making session.

Spa-aaaaah!

Hey, Belle Aire friends and others! I had a great weekend with the women of Belle Aire from Murfreesboro, TN at their 2 Blessed 2 Be Stressed Retreat. These girls were loads of fun! We had such a good time in God's Word, but we also got spa treatments (don't you HOPE we looked prettier than the "before" pictures?!!), played games, ran around in our pj's and had a wonderful time! Thanks to Deanna for the great devotion on exfoliating and it's benefits. I'm trying to exfoliate worry!

I also got to spend the weekend with one of my BFF's that attends Belle Aire. Jennifer is one of those precious friends that makes you laugh until you almost have an accident but can also lead you to Jesus when you get out of line. Besides the retreat, one of the highlights of my weekend was shopping for a formal dress with her beautiful and charming daughter, Kaitlin. I've decided that God has been gracious to give me many neices and friends with daughters to enjoy when I'm not with my own very male household. Belle Aire girls, here's a squeeze from me--mmmmmmmm mm!