Stepping Up--Part II

The Bible study that I followed the piano player to didn't change my heart, but it did change my life. I had been brought up in the church and raised by parents who led our family in daily devotions. At 10, I realized that I was a sinner and asked Jesus to forgive me and to give me eternal life, but so much of my thought processes and actions remained unchanged. I'd let Jesus transform my heart, but I was still hanging onto my life for all I was worth.

Once I entered the study, my infatuation with the piano player gradually faded, but my love for Jesus was fanned into a brightly burning fame. The Bible study itself had been birthed out of a teen Sunday school class in a local church. It started as a small group that met in homes on Monday nights, but it quickly outgrew the homes as high school students from both schools in Greenville and every denomination began to attend. Eventually, the adult leaders started a Christian coffeehouse in downtown Greenville, NC amongst all the college bars. It was a place where we grew in God's Word on Monday nights and grew in relationship with each other on the weekends with Christian bands often playing in the background. It was truly an extraordinary time, and I don't have any word to explain it other than "revival". It was revival on a smaller scale than we often read about, but it was a revival that swept two high schools and changed scores of hearts. I didn't realize how rare and precious our time was until I went to college and met many friends who professed to be the only Christian that they knew of in their high school.

I only have vague recollections what we studied--like the building of the temple and topics like gaining wisdom. The thing that truly impacted me was meeting young people who were completely consumed with passion for Jesus. These were teens and people in their early twenties who had surrendered their lives in totality and who lived, talked, ate and breathed their love for Him. So many of you have written asking me about what Bible study we did. Although I love the abundance of authored Bible studies that are available to us today, studying God's Word directly and seeing lives that inspired me were the essential pieces in my life-transformation.

Joseph Sasser was one of the people who inspired me most. He was the lead singer and guitar player for Cross, but I never had a crush on him because of his beautiful, godly girlfriend Beth. Joseph led praise and worship for our Bible study and often talked to us about loving Jesus and living our lives as worship to Him. He showed me a depth and vitality of relationship with Jesus that I was missing in my own life. He showed me something that I realized I wanted, and I've never been the same since.

Over a year ago, I got the shocking news of Joseph's death. He and Beth had been married for years but had just had their first child. Joseph died suddenly in his early 40s. Truthfully, I hadn't thought about Joseph and Beth for years, but I grieved his death because of the place that he had held in my heart and life. Even though his life was short, Joseph reminds me every day of the power of one life lived out for the glory of Jesus. His life makes me examine my own today as much as it did over 20 years ago. What am I contributing to the lives of others around me?

God's Mysterious Ways--Part I

I followed a boy. Yes, that's the noble motivation behind how I got involved with the Bible study that transformed my life in high school. Several of you have emailed to ask about the Bible study that I mentioned in my devotion that was published Wednesday, so I though I'd take you down memory lane with me for the next few posts.

I had never heard of Christian music until a friend of mine invited me to an Amy Grant concert in 1983. Even though I had given my heart to the Lord when I was 10, I was still living with lots of worldly views including rabid feminism. I'm not sure how that came about. It certainly wasn't modeled by my mom, but that's where I was until my junior year in high school.

Shortly after going to Amy's concert, I was invited to hear a local group called Cross. I have always had a "thing" for musicians (God is so good that I even got to eventually marry one!), and I developed an instantaneous and enormous crush on the piano player. Unfortunately, subtlety and coyness were not traits that my feminsist self valued. So I followed him--right into the Bible study that changed my life.

Two years later I remember judging some girls that I knew had come to our study in hot pursuit of another cute guy in the group. I was so spiritual by then, you see :), that I had forgotten all about that piano player. God gave that throat-clearing sound in my spirit, though, and I remembered. Oh! Me too! He is good to use even the wildly fluctuating affections of a high school girl to draw her to Himself. He is mysterious but good!

More about the Bible study/teen revival next week...Have a great weekend. Play with your children, give your husband a passionate kiss, lay in your hammock and count your blessings!

While You're Waiting...

I remember a movie from years ago with Sandra Bullock in it called "While You Were Sleeping". (Side note: I worked with "Sandy" in an ice cream shop in Greenville, NC before she became a movie star. She probably doesn't remember the high school girl who scooped ice cream with her, but you can imagine my shock in seeing her face on the big screen!) The main character woke up from a coma to deal with all the changes around him. Waiting is like that sometimes, isn't it? It feels like watching the whole world whiz by on a mission while our lives seem static and unchanging. It's painful, and it's hard--especially when God has planted big dreams in your heart.

I've come up with a little list of things to do while you're waiting. They are ideas that have been birthed the hard way. I've sat in some waiting rooms of my own! Some of the ideas have also been adapted from other sources. I highly recommend requesting a copy of "Pause", this year's magazine published by Life Action Ministries.

• Stop and smell the roses. This one's really hard for me. I'm task oriented and always looking to the next thing. I'm working hard, though, to learn to live in the present. When God isn't speaking yet about the "next thing", take a deep breath and enjoy the time of quiet and rest. Slow down. Take a nap. Dream, journal and spend extended times in prayer. Garden, play with children and take a walk. These are all things that will become luxuries when God finally says, "Go!" Enjoy the free time without filling it with other commitments. Be very careful about that, because your time may need to be free when it's time to move forward. See this time of waiting as a gift for renewal and rest.
• Ask God to teach you the lessons needed to go forward. As I look back on my life, I'm completely amazed at the efficiency of God. He doesn't wasted one moment, one experience or one circumstance. He has used everything to make me who I am today. There are times, however, when I can see that I needed a "repeat". Circumstances that seem cyclical may be a message that the needed lessons haven't been learned. For example, during some painful times in my life, I withdrew from God. I resisted running to Him with my hurts and disappointments and sickness. I've gone through several of those times now. I know that I'll go through suffering again, but next time I want to run to Him instead of running away. I believe (I'm saying this in faith!) that my lesson has been learned.
• Study, learn and grow during times of waiting. I've heard a saying that fixing an airplane with mechanical failure is much harder in the air. If you're in a holding pattern firmly on the ground, get going on some maintenance. God's word is a mirror. Spend time reading and asking God to show you what He wants to transform in your life. Once God sends you soaring, it will be worth it to have everything operating smoothly! Finding a mentor also helps tremendously with this process.
• Embrace "better" and reject "bitter". I remember watching the life of a woman years ago, and I would get a knot in my throat every time I thought about her. I wanted what she had. She was a gifted speaker with many opportunities and a writer who was helping to write a book with a nationally known ministry. My ambition and wrong motives almost choked me. Until I repented of bitterness and submitted to God's timing, He could not use me. God Himself did a work in me that brought me to a place of emptiness and humility. That sounds awful, but it was actually wonderful. That was the place where He could use my weakness to show His strength. He could use my insufficiency to show His complete sufficiency. Releasing that bitterness toward that other woman and the hardness I had toward God for not meeting MY goals, set me free!

Waiting is tough, but it is often a time of great internal activity. Lysa gave the example in her blog last week of a barren tree limb of a dogwood in the winter. Even though there is no external change, that tree is storing up energy for the spring when it will burst forth in beautiful flowers. I'll be praying for my sisters and brothers who are waiting for God's timing. He is preparing you for a glorious revealing of the inner work that He is doing!

A Boy and His Horn

Several weeks ago after a frustrating soccer practice, Anson said, "I can't wait until All State to do something I'm good at." Anson actually is a good soccer player, but he's a GREAT horn player. This weekend I sat in awe and tears filled my eyes as the music created by a group of NC middle school students filled the beautiful Stevens Center in Winston Salem. Truly, if I had shut my eyes, I could have been sitting in a seat purchased with an expensive ticket in any orchestra hall anywhere. The middle school honors band was amazing, but there was one boy playing his horn that was more special (to me) than all the rest.

I can so identify with Anson. I really wanted to be a singer from the time I was a tiny girl and could hold a hairbrush as a microphone. Let's just say that singing is not a dream that has been fulfilled. In fact, I was encouraging my boys as they are working on learning to play bass guitar. "It would be so fun to have a garage band with some of your friends," I enthused. "I always wanted to be the lead singer in a band." Without hesitation, Anson dead-panned, "I think there's an opening in Nolan's band." Nolan's head popped up, and he said, "I don't want her!" Thanks a lot guys!!!

OK...I'm not such a great singer, but I took lessons. I also constantly sing to the car radio. Travis Cottrell especially loves it when I sing with him. I worked hard at it, and I'm good enough to sing in a choir. Nevertheless, I am very good at other things. Anson's disappointment with not being the top soccer player but being a terrific horn player reminds me not to give up on some of the things that I enjoy but to really focus on the gifts that God has given me. I hope you'll reflect on your God-given talents today and rejoice in them as I rejoice in my boy and his horn.

Dirty

I'm typing this post with dirt under my fingernails, and it makes me soooo happy. In NC our warm days start early, but the risk of a freeze isn't over until April 13th (I think---but my mom remembers it by the tax deadline. Taxes finished and plants in the ground---ahhh!) Every year I have to fight the urge to plant flowers before the last freeze. Some years that last freeze comes much earlier, but we actually had temps in the low 30s this week. Dicey!

Today was beautiful, though, and I was somewhat caught up with the list, so I headed to the nursery. I took in a $20 bill with the intent of staying on budget. I have to confess that I had to return to the car before checkout for just a little more. That's ok. If I had walked in with my debit card, there's no telling where the story would end!

I don't have a big flower garden. It's just a small area that surrounds the sidewalk that leads to my front door. I just love that little piece of earth! The first year I only had enough money for a couple of packets of zinnias, and they brought me so much joy. I'm still a fairly novice gardener, but I have puttered at it for a couple of years and thought I'd share some tips for beginners.

• It's such a temptation to dig a hole and poke plants into the ground, but a little preparation will give much better results. In my part of NC, we have red clay. It's absolutely horrible stuff. It stains your clothes and turns hard as a rock during dry spells. This red clay needs lots of help. For the last 3 years, I've tilled in (I do it with a little hand tiller) peat moss and composed manure. Tonight, I got a reward. I could dig in my garden without breaking the trowel. I love it, and the plants love it, too. Even the first year, my zinnias were taller than me when they bloomed. Glorious! Do a little reading about your area and soil type to maximize your garden.
• I always add composed manure in the bottom of a new hole along with a shake of Osmicote time-release fertilizer. My next door neighbors once did an experiment. She used cow manure and he used chicken manure. His garden won! I'll use the cheapest!!
• Make sure that you check the roots when you take the plant out of the pot. If they are very compact, just take your fingers and gently loosen and tear them apart. If the roots remain "root bound", the plan won't grow. I won't elaborate, but use your imagination to make some spiritual applications here. Selah!

For those of you who are seasoned gardeners, you may be laughing at my simple tips. Somebody had to tell me when I first started, though, so I thought I'd do a gardener primer.

Each year, I've added a couple more perrenials and some annuals. The irises are almost done blooming. The peony buds will pop open soon. My daylillies are going crazy, and I will delight to see their first cheerful blooms. Happiness! If you haven't dug in the dirt yet this spring, I highly recommend plant therapy. Don't have a yard or a garden? Plant a container. There's just something about dirt under your fingernails in the spring that chases away remnants of the winter blahs.

Reaching Outward

In response to the last post about churches, I received an email from a man in South Africa with a concern that also resonates with me. His email was quite long, but I think that I can summarize it. (If you wrote the email and disagree with my summary, please feel free to leave a comment.) The Bible has much to say, but churches as a whole tend to focus on small parts. One of the tendencies of churches today is to focus on inward growth rather than reaching outward to address a dying world with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

That's not only a concern for me in general, it's been something the Lord has been showing me about my own life. When we first moved to our little town, I was so convinced that God was calling me to reach out to my neighbors. Four years into our stay here, I find myself back in the safe and comfortable rut of investing most of my time in church where I am almost literally preaching to the choir.

I'm so grateful that God gave me an opportunity to invite a new friend to church this week. She is already a believer, but like many of us, she has been having trouble finding a church home. It's always interesting to invite someone new to your church. I don't know if anyone else does this, but I always feel like I'm seeing my church through completely new eyes. Yesterday, I have to brag on my church, I felt very proud to have brought my friend. People were warm and welcoming. Everyone (especially in my precious Sunday school class) made a real effort to draw our visitor into our group.

I have to think that some of this has to do with a new emphasis on "Going" that our pastors have been preaching. They too are disturbed at how quickly church can become stale and ingrown. Our pastors are encouraging us to build relationships with neighbors, coworkers and family members with a view to reaching out with the gospel.

It will be interesting to watch how this all transpires in our church. It will require change which is HARD. Time is a limited commodity, and the church will have to give up some of its demands. Instead of church members spending so much time within the walls of the church, it will require that many "programs" that keep us there are release. It will require commitment from the members that time spent outside of church is intentional, not just more time to sleep late or vacation.

All in all, though, I feel hopeful and very inspired. Visiting friend, thank you for coming with me yesterday! Women in my class, I LOVE YOU!! Pastor, you rock!

Spa Treatments for the Bride

Hi there, friends! If you are linking from the Proverbs 31 devotion, welcome. You are especially in my heart today.

I’m telling you from the get-go that I’m completely obsessed with this blogging thing, and it cracks my husband up. He is the techie in the family. I’m a woman who has been dragged kicking and screaming into the modern technological age. I’m not particularly computer-savvy even now, although I’m learning. I was especially resistant to blogging at first, but now I check the site meter many more times a day than I want to admit. I’m not vain about numbers; I’m just fascinated where all of you come from, how you got to my blog, etc. I LOVE to travel, and I’m especially excited when I see visitors from other countries. I saw one from Israel the other day and almost jumped out of my chair. I have a friend that visited there recently, and although I know it’s wrong to be envious, I am! So if you’re from the US, I love you and I’m very happy you’re here. But if you’re from anywhere else, I’m just giddy!

My love of travel may be something new that you learned about me. I want to share something else, but you’ll have to lean very close so that I can whisper it to you.....i have a very checkered past---shhh! It’s not actually as bad as it sounds. I was born into a family of Lutherans and was christened in the Lutheran Church. I grew up attending a Methodist church where I graduated from the Confirmation Class. I went to a non-denominational, charismatic church in college where I was baptized in a horse trough (long story). When I married, I entered a very Baptist family and currently attend a Baptist church, although I consider myself a Jesus-loving, Bible-believing Christian who happens to be currently attending a Baptist church.

I hope all of that makes you laugh and not gasp. I’m truly not as confused as it might seem. I’m so grateful for each experience, and I’ve learned a tremendous amount on the journey. My parents laid a foundation from infancy of loving God that has kept me focused on what is important (Jesus!) and flexible about many areas of difference in denominations.

Here are a few things that I’ve learned about being a church member along the way:

• There is not one—not a single one—perfect church.
• During the first 3-4 years of attending a church, you may think that it’s pretty close to perfect.
• After that time period, if you have made friends and gotten involved, you will find out that it’s definitely not.
• God often wants us to stay right where we are in our imperfect church to help us to grow into Christ’s image. Even though my tendency is to want to run away, there’s nothing like a little suffering, human conflict and drama to make us uncomfortable and boil our “issues” (otherwise known as sin) to the top. That’s when God can really work on us.
  

I’m personally in this uncomfortable post-honeymoon period. Don’t get me wrong. I love my church and more importantly God has called me there. The staff is made up of godly people who love God and desire to live out the Word in their lives. The essentials are all there. Here are two of the things that I’m learning as I face a few struggles:

• I don’t have to say everything that I think. It grieves me that I still talk so much. Recently, God has shown me that I’ve taken 10 steps back in this area. Conviction hurts, but repentance feels so good. I keep repeating to myself something that my friend Anne shared that God spoke to her, “Anne/Amy/fill in your name, your opinion blocks my revelation.”
• God has given us a mandate on how to handle conflict in the church in Matthew 18:15-17. Last week, my husband finally told me that I was not allowed to talk to him about a problem that I had with another church member again until I had gone to talk to that person. Ouch! Isn’t he supposed to be on my side?! He was right, though, and after I did as he suggested, the relationship was restored. God’s ways are always best!

God’s bride, the church, is going to be glorious at that final wedding. Believers are privileged to be part of the church even when it’s hard, because it’s God’s chosen vessel for reaching a dying world. I’m resolved to dig in, connect and get my rough edges worn off. Maybe I should consider church membership as a spa treatment. I’ll be radiant on that day when I’m called as the Bride of Christ!

Bitter Sweet

Today was the last day of Spring Break. I always find the end of vacation bitter sweet. Even though the time off was wonderful, I'm ready for schedule, routine and work again. I guess vacation and rest is designed to make us thankful for work.

Years ago, I was shocked in a sermon to be reminded that work is not part of the curse. God gave Adam the assignment to tend the garden and the animals. Work only seemed like a curse after the fall because toil entered the picture. (Read Genesis 1-4). We are actually designed for the work that God calls us to. Look at the variety of giftings and strengths that He has built into us! Using those giftings in the work that He has assigned brings Him great glory and brings us tremendous satisfaction.

Rest has always been part of His plan, too. By resting on the seventh day, God (who is personally indefatigable) reminds His creation to rest by His own example. It was wonderful to spend time at the beach sleeping until we wanted to get up, eating when we got hungry and exerting ourselves only when our muscles ached from laying around. It rained the entire week, but as my brother said today, "A rainy week at the beach is still better than a rainy week anyplace else."

Today the boys and I spent the day savoring the last of the extended rest. They rolled out of bed late and ate doughnuts for breakfast. I worked a little bit, and the boys broke out the board games. I watched their game of Life and then found out that I am Smarter Than a Fifth Grader (today!). It's been slow and lovely.

Today is also our 18th anniversery and my brother's birthday. Happy birthday, Bro! God, thanks for giving me so many happy years with the love of my life.

There's a lot to celebrate today, but tomorrow I look forward to work even as I am saddened that the rest is over. I'm going back refreshed, invigorated and ready to "hit it"!