Dawn's Story

As promised, today I'm posting an interview with my friend Dawn Ward. I knew that her responses would be inspiring truth, but I am truly EXCITED to share her story with you. I rarely do mass emails about my blog, but today will be a day that I will. I am praying that many of you and many of our friends will be encouraged and strengthened by reading about Dawn and Richard's marriage. Read on, friends!

How did you first meet Richard? Were you a believer at the time?

Richard and I met nearly 18 years ago. I was working as a legal secretary, and he was working as a computer network engineer. The attorney for whom I worked purchased computers for our entire office from the company that then employed Richard. He and his roommate at the time, with whom he also worked, came to our office for three days and installed the network of computers.

I was instantly attracted to him. He was very handsome, and because of the nature of his job, dressed like a business professional, i.e., slacks, long-sleeved oxford, and tie. I had always been attracted to this particular look. J We had lunch the last day he and his co-worker/roommate were at our office, and the rest, as they say, is history. We have been together ever since.

To answer part two of this question, yes, I was a believer at the time I met Richard. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was 11 years old; however, I had made a series of bad choices during my teenage years and was not walking with the Lord at that particular time in my life. I was also unaware when we met of God’s mandate in 2 Corinthians 6:14 to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (NIV)

What are the things that you love about him?

Oh my, there are so many. I already mentioned that I found him handsome, and I still do. He has always said he knew I only married him for his good looks! He is very funny and makes me laugh all the time. However, he does not think himself to be. He said he had to marry me because I am the only one who laughs at his jokes! Although we do not share the same faith, our values outside of that are the same. I love that he has such a strong work ethic. That he goes to work every day to support our family so that I can be a stay-at-home wife and mother. I love that he is such a caring and wonderful father. He is an avid reader just like me. I love that he is not opposed to my faith. That he does not have a problem with my going to church or participating in church-related activities and that he is okay with my raising our daughter in my faith. I feel very blessed in this respect because I know that not every unequally yoked woman has this, and my heart goes out to them. Richard is truly my best friend. After my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with my husband is absolutely the next most important.

How has your relationship changed during the course of your marriage?

I think I am more accepting of where Richard is spiritually right now. That is not to say that I have given up hope or that I no longer pray for him to come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior, but I have reached a place in my marriage where I can be happy in my relationship even though we are in very different places in our faith-walk.

In the early years of our marriage, when Richard and I would have conversations about faith, I would “go after him with both barrels” so to speak, and I would end up getting angry because he was equally as dogmatic about why he did not feel the need for my “faith” as I was about why he needed to be saved. These conversations were counter-productive I think, and eventually, God told me to be silent and not speak about this anymore unless He told me to do so. I believe I was probably doing more harm than good. God instructs in 1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

Notice it says our husbands will be won over by our behavior and not our words. That was a lesson it took me a while to learn.

I would also like to mention something else here. That same verse instructs us to be submissive to our husbands. This does not exclude wives of unbelieving husbands. To the contrary, it actually mentions them specifically. Whether or not our husbands share our faith and belief system, God still recognizes them as the heads of our households. We are still under their authority, and ultimately, when we are in disagreement over something, we are to submit to our husband’s will in a given situation. I experienced this first-hand a couple of years ago.

Richard and I rarely disagree, but a situation arose concerning our daughter that we had very differing opinions about, and we both felt very strongly about our individual opinions! I prayed and I prayed that Richard would come around to my way of thinking because I just knew that I was right! J However, he did not, and God made it very clear to me that I had to submit to Richard’s will in the situation. I was not happy about it, but I had no choice but to obey. I used that as an opportunity to “live out” my faith as the verse above instructs. I did use words but only to let him know why I was acquiescing to his will. I told him that he knew how I felt about my faith, and that it was my belief that I was under his authority as the head of our household and therefore, I would no longer argue with him about the situation. I also told him that I would be praying that he would make the right decision for our family. And that was what I did.

I do not want to come across as particularly virtuous or anything by sharing this. It was not easy. I did not want to do it, but God gave me my instructions, and I have learned the hard way that we will always be happier in the end when we follow His will.


What mistakes have you made?

Some years ago, I was participating in a Bible study on prayer. During the course of that study, God really convicted me that I had basically accepted that Richard was never going to come to Him and had gotten complacent in interceding for Him. I asked for God’s forgiveness and resolved to never reach that place again where I quit believing for His salvation. I would strongly urge women in this situation to not give up hope. One of the things God showed me during that time was that praying for Richard’s salvation was as much about growing my faith as it was interceding for my husband.

How would you describe your marriage today?

My marriage today is better than it has ever been. As I stated earlier, Richard is my best friend. I love him more than I have ever loved him. I enjoy spending time with him, and we have fun together. I think it is important that women who are married to unbelieving husbands know that just because their husbands do not share their faith does not mean they cannot have a happy marriage. Is it difficult? Yes. Are there times when I am alone at church one more time or when I am faced with having to guide my daughter spiritually all alone that I do not lament my husband’s lack of faith? Absolutely. But God is faithful. I turn to Him and say, “God, I am having a hard time here. Please fill this void for me.” And He does.

What one piece of advice would you give to other women in marriages to an unbeliever?

I would first say to not take responsibility for your husband’s salvation on to yourself. Just as you had to make a decision to ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life, so does your husband have to make that same choice. Besides that, it is not you who will win your husband to the Lord. I believe you have a responsibility to live out your faith in front of your husband, but it is the Holy Spirit who woos him, not you.

I know you asked for “one” piece of advice, but I just feel I have something else I need to add here. One thing I have learned in the 16 years I have been married to Richard is that God loves him the same as He loves me. Once I began to pray and ask God to give me His heart for Richard, I found that I was able to be a better wife. This also freed me because it helped to take the focus off of myself. I realized as God worked in my heart through this that Richard’s salvation is about where he will spend eternity, not about my having a husband who shares my faith and becomes the spiritual leader of my household. It is all about his needing the Lord. That is the most important thing. How I will benefit as a result is secondary.

Thank you, Amy, for inviting me to do this interview and giving me the opportunity to share on this topic. It is my hope and prayer that it has been an encouragement to someone today.

Thank YOU, Dawn, for sharing your story, and give Richard a big hug from us for encouraging you to share! Please take a few more minutes to visit Dawn's blog where she has more encouragement for women in marriages to men who are not believers.