Thoughts on Marriage

This has definitely been a marriage-themed week with the P31 team. I love Melissa's devotion and her blog this week. Lysa always challenges me with her thoughts on marriage. Her devo today raises the bar where it needs to be in our crazy culture. I especially loved her blog post on the little things that can bring a marriage down. I've been bird hunting this week, too!

The place where my heart really identified most this morning, though, is with an article in the P31 Woman magazine this month called, "The Shade Tree of Marriage". Between a wound caused by a previous relationship and buying into the lie that I needed to be "an independent woman", I wasted many of the early years in our marriage by holding back from being completely one. I wanted to love Barry completely and have a great marriage but retain my "rights" and autonomy. Can't be done.

It was Barry's love and commitment to me that wore down the walls--a sweet kind of drip, drip that smoothed those barriers down until they were gone. Isn't that what we we all crave? I believe that God created us with an insatiable desire for true intimacy, a no-holds barred closeness with all barriers blown to bits. He created us to have that kind of intimacy with Him first, but He created us for that kind of intimacy with our husbands.

Not that my marriage is at all perfect, but Barry and I have that kind of oneness now. I know it's true, because he had been gone several days. Yes, I can be independent when I need to be. The household moves on when he's gone, but it's got a definite missing part. We missed him when Nolan had a crisis with a friend and Anson had a bad lesson preceeding an important audition. I missed him when I got an email that hurt my feelings. I missed his presence in the quiet time after the boys had gone to sleep. It took me a while, but I now revel in my loss of independence. Marriage can be a blessed interdependence when the walls come down and we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. I loved getting to snuggle up to Barry last night after he came home!

Melissa, Lysa and I have enjoyed sharing some of the lessons learned along the way. Do you have a lesson that you'd share?

Through His Word

My friend Susan said recently, "It seems like at our age that life has gotten very serious. There is still so much joy--in Jesus, our family, our friends--but life has gotten very, very serious."

You may be thinking the same thing. I'd like to write an upbeat, happy post today. I think I've been blessed with a naturally cheerful disposition, but I've been walking around with a heavy heart during the last month. We've had 2 deaths--Barry's grandmother and a sweet friend our age who died suddenly leaving his wife and 2 kids. I have an aunt and an uncle who have been diagnosed with cancer. Barry's uncle had major sugery this morning. Our finances are stretched tight. My job is being challenged by the economy.

There has been good news along with the bad. We're rejoicing that my friend Christie had a positive outcome to a potentially devastating ultrasound yesterday. A healthy baby girl is on her way to the world! Anson turned 15 last weekend. Even though we're nervous about having a new driver in the house, he's a wonderful, responsible young man who brings us great joy. Nolan is experiencing new victories in life. Barry's company is covering the increases in medical insurance. There are many blessings to count.

Despite these blessings, I've been struggling to keep from sinking into the seriousness of life. I'm in uncharted territory and seeking God for direction. When I woke up yesterday morning, it was with a cold lump in the pit of my stomach instead of joy. God in all His goodness, though, had a lesson written just for me in my BSF notes. Through His Word, He lifted my head and my heart. Here are the verses that I looked up to complete my lesson. They spoke to me and encouraged me throughout the day. If you need encouragement, slow down, take a minute and meditate on these verses for a few minutes. Let God fill you with His peace and hope.

Psalm 16: 5-6, "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." (The side note in my Bible says "Confidence in God". This verse is true whether I feel secure, pleasant or delightful. I don't mean this in a "name-it-and-claim-it" kind of way but rather that I need to rest in the fact of God's sovereignty and goodness. His spiritual riches are beyond compare.)

Psalm 37: 7, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." (Not fretting for me means not watching much news and spending time waiting before the Lord.)

Philippians 4: 11-12, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

The Shack

The Shack is the book that currently has a huge amount of buzz in the Christian world--both negative and positive. It was a book that was a small publishing project that has grown from the grass roots and word of mouth. The people I've talked to have had very strong reactions to it. The Shack is a book that people usually either love or hate.

I guess my feelings were more mixed. I personally loved the book. Although the central story is heartbreaking, this book expresses intimacy with God and His value on relationships better than almost anything I've read. The picture of the Trinity--how they love each other and interact-- was especially challenging and beautiful. My mixed feelings come in as I decide whether to recommend this book. My friend Melody and I agreed. We decided that although we both received much from The Shack, we wouldn't recommend it to friends who are new in their faith or seekers. We both read the book with the question, "Does this line up with scripture?" in the forefront all the way through. I do think that some of the theology could be taken in two directions, so I wouldn't recommend it to a friend who wasn't very familiar with her Bible.

Although I knew the book was controversial, I decided not to do much investigating before I read it. I wanted to read without preconceptions rolling around in my head. I did, however, do a lot of reading on the internet afterward. Here are a couple of the main criticisms of the book and how I respond.

Criticism: God is not a black woman.
My response: That is not at all what the author suggests. God the Father is represented in the story as a black woman, but the book clearly explains why that representation is chosen. The character of God says that she is appearing this way to shake the main character's (Mac's) preconceptions of God as a white man with a long white beard. She says that God is "other" and can appear in any form.

I get that. So often I realize that I have put God into my own comfortable-sized box that I can carry around. It's not so much that I have a visual but that I have boundaries of how I think about God and what He can do. He is constantly showing me that He WILL NOT be kept in a box. I think that the author was just trying to express this idea in a way that would make people sit up and take notice. He succeeded!

Criticism: The author made God too touchy-feely and didn't show how God needs to be approached through prayer and Bible study.
My response: I completely disagree. The overriding message of the whole book is that God desires intimate relationship with us. Mac knew all about God through prayer and Bible study. He had attended church and seminary, but he had never experienced true relationship with God. I think this is a worthy message. God desires to break out of our heads and into our hearts. I didn't see this as the author neglecting spiritual disciplines but rather challenging us to go into deep intimacy with God.

I started getting really edgy while I was reading one section where Mac was having a conversation with Jesus. Mac asks Jesus if all roads lead to Him. I immediately thought, "Oh, oh! Here we go! I knew this book was going to come to this." Jesus' response was wonderful, though. He explained that he simply meant that He would go down any road to get to us. That's a great truth and a great response to anyone that asks us the same question.

I also loved the strong message of redemption. God is clearly shown to use everything to His glory and subsequently to our good. Considering the devastating circumstances that leads to Mac's encounter with God, The Shack brings a powerful message of hope to those in hard places.

This is one of those books that I've hesitated to discuss on my blog. While our youth pastor, a man that I respect tremendously, recommended it to a group, another friend approached him and vehemently said how much she hated it and how flawed she felt the theology was. I will have to admit that I typically a hopeless optimist. I'm getting a little old, grouchy and jaded, but I still generally look for the good in people and books. I found a lot of good in The Shack. What did you think?

My Sister's Keeper

I've taken the "Books by My Bedside" off my sidebar for a couple of reasons. First, I doubt seriously that anybody ever looked at it. :) Second, I don't put all the books there that I read anyway.

I'm a vociferous reader, but talking about some of the books I read is tricky just like blogging can be tricky. It's scary to me to reveal all of what I read to people who aren't necessarily in my every day life. I don't read Christian books exclusively, and I don't want to be misunderstood. Sometimes, I prayerfully pick up the books with "buzz" in our culture. Some of you may think that's ok. Some of you may not....so generally I don't write about it. There are some controversial books that I've read recently, though, that I'd like to write about. Here goes....I love the interactiveness of this blogging world, so comment away. Play nice, though. Opposing points of view are welcome, but I'll take snarky comments off as quick as you can post them! (So many people would describe me as sweet, but those who know me best would probably use the words "spunky" or "sassy". Sorry that you just received a little!)

One of the most thought provoking books that I've read in a long time is "My Sister's Keeper". I'm going to give a brief summary of the beginning of the book, but I won't give it all away. This novel is about a family whose two-year-old daughter is diagnosed with leukemia. When her brother is not a match for treatment donations, a doctor subtly hints that another donor sibling would be helpful. Mom and Dad get right on making a baby who is genetically designed to be a match for her sister. The rest of the book is about the decisions made along the way.

I loved this book primarily because of its complexity. We don't live in a world with one-dimensional people who make black and white decisions, and this novel reflects the complexity of personality, relationships, the nature of love and ethics. Although it is clearly not from a Christian perspective, I was constantly asking myself, "What decision would I have made? What does the Bible have to say about that decision?"

It's one of those interesting books that is told in first person from the perspective of many of the characters. Each chapter is in a different voice, and I gradually came to realize is even in a different font. Some of the characters will break your heart. The chapters in Jesse's (the brother) voice were particularly painful to read.

I really, really, really wanted to hate Sarah, the mom. She made some choices that I consider despicable, but Jodi Picoult makes sure that every mom will see some of themselves in her. She is deeply flawed, but she truly loves her children. It made me wonder what choices I've made along the way that would be negative in other's eyes all because of the love of my children.

If you've read the book, I'd love to know what you thought. If you haven't, I'd recommend reading it with some warnings. Don't just read it as a story. Read it thoughtfully and with some self-examination. Read it being aware of the secular perspective from which its written. My other warning is to make sure you have a full box of Kleenex handy. My sister-in-law is still not over my recommendation of the movie "Somersby" because of its heart-wrenching nature. If you hate those kinds of stories or you're in the middle of your own life trauma, don't read this book!

My Friend Linda

No bald woman ever looked more beautiful than my friend Linda Bistline. Even as she grew physically sicker from the cancer that grew within her, Linda became more luminous as her faith and trust in Jesus grew in her thriving spirit.

On Feb. 24, 1999, Linda went home to be with the Lord who she loved so deeply. The grief I felt was overwhelming, but I also knew that I had been given a treasure. Linda and I had become friends after her diagnosis, and I watched her allow Jesus redeem her suffering in a truly amazing way. No one who ever knew Linda was the same. We were all challenged to embrace a new level of trust in God's goodness. Linda said to me many times, "Amy, no matter what happens to me, God is still good." She didn't just say it--she believed it with her whole being.Here's an excerpt of what I shared at her funeral:

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength
till each appears before God in Zion." (Psalm 84:5-7)

Linda's life was a glorious living-out of this scripture. The Valley of Baca can also be translated as The Valley of Tears. Certainly, the last three years of Linda's life have been filled with many tears for her, her family and her friends. But Linda didn't drown in those tears, and she didn't allow us to drown either. She filled her pilgrimage with the springs of complete faith, love, hope, humor and friendship. Years from now when the grief of the absence has become more bearable, we won't be left with the hollow feeling of a tragic death but with the sweet memory of a life wonderfully lived.

The word "pools" in this passage is also translated as "blessings". I count it among one of the greatest blessings and privileges in my life to have been Linda's friend, and I know you feel the same. Her life has made me closely scrutinize my own. She inspired me to walk closer to God and to prioritize what really matters. As her body failed her, the Spirit within her never did. She proclaimed God's goodness wherever she was and the God that is worthy of her faith changed everyone who knew her or heard her story.

Maybe you came to this blog today after reading the Encouragement for Today devotion, Crosswalk or maybe you came because of a random search. Either way, God wants you to know that you are precious to Him. Your suffering has not gone unnoticed. God loves you and wants to redeem every pain, every hurt and every hard circumstance. He is the one who can turn our Valley of Tears into a place of abundant springs. He can use these times to bring each of us to a place where we love Him so deeply that we can say from the bottom of our hearts, "No matter what happens to me, God is still good."

Book suggestions for those who are suffering:
Where Is God When It Hurts? Philip Yancey
A Grace Disguised Jerry Sittser

God at Work

It shouldn't be surprising, but God never fails to surprise me. I saw Him--I mean really SAW Him--at work today.

It had been a pretty normal day at Bible Study Fellowship. We had sung some of my favorite hymns in opening, had an awesome discussion with our small group and returned to the sanctuary to hear the lecture on Leviticus 16. Leviticus 16?! Many of you may be reacting like I've always reacted to Leviticus. It's one of those books of scripture that can be a challenge. This time around, though, God has been speaking LOUDLY to my heart through Leviticus. Even as we study the Law, God is speaking to me about His mercy and about freedom in Christ. I've gotten excited about Leviticus, and I was looking forward to the lecture.

Angela, our teaching leader, stood and began. Not far into the message, though, Angela gripped the podium. She had become dizzy, and we all prayed as she sat down for a minute to recover. She stood again to speak but was again overcome with dizziness, so she looked at Margaret, our assistant teaching leader, and asked a shocking question, "Margaret, could you come finish this for me?"

We were all concerned about Angela, but her question stopped me in my tracks. Would Margaret do it? Could she actually teach for 40 minutes on this challenging passage in front of hundreds of women? My heart was beating fast for hers!

As Angela was helped from the stage, Margaret stood with her study notes (her own personal study, not a prepared message) and made her way behind the podium. The following 40 minutes were incredible! Her teaching was anointed and powerful as she taught about the atoning sacrifice in the Tabernacle and the final atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. She reminded us of the horrificness of sin, its consequences and the price to be paid with blood. Finally, she urged us to celebrate the sacrifice and the atonement that's given and not earned. She did so with no visible case of the nerves and the words flowing out of her mouth. Phrase after phrase hit my heart as I took notes, underlined and starred.

I learned a lot from Margaret's message today, but her example taught me more. Here's what I learned.

• I am required to be ready in season and out. God may open a door of opportunity at any time. I need to be ready to respond cheerfully and in faith.
• When I study, God desires to inscribe His Word on my heart. Margaret was the perfect example of the scripture, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45 NIV) Margaret hadn't just done a routine study and moved on. She had studied until God's Word echoed loudly in her heart. When it was time, it all flowed out of her mouth into a room of hungry women.
• God is alive and working every day. His presence was palpable in the room as His Word was taught. He filled Margaret's mouth and anointed her words with the power of the Holy Spirit. It was truly incredible.

This day has left me renewed and inspired. I serve a God who is living and active in the world. He loves us and deeply desires to impart His Word to us. It makes me think of my friend Mimi who says about serving God, "I have a front row seat at the Greatest Show on Earth." Amen! I love Him, and I love to see Him show off!!

PRESSing In

Last week I shared that Barry and I are spending time in God's Word and praying several nights a week. It's been a tremendous blessing to spend this time with Barry, and we find our study spilling into our conversations during the day more and more. On one Sunday recently, I leaned over during the sermon and said, "This ties right into our study of Romans!" Barry replied, "I think EVERYTHING ties into Romans." So true!!

I wanted to share the simple format that we learned for our study time at Festivals of Marriage, a retreat sponsored by Lifeway. PRESS is the acronym that is used.

Pray-We start with a short prayer and ask God to settle our hearts and minds. We ask Him to
speak to us personally through His Word.

Read-One of us reads a short passage out loud. We usually stick to about 5-7 verses so that
we can focus on one or two clear truths.

Express-We talk about what the verses say to us. Stephani (the facilitator) shared that she
usually waits for her husband to go first. That's been a valuable tip for me. Girls, I probably
love to talk more than any of you, and I definitely love to talk more than Barry. I'm learning
so much about Barry's heart by waiting to hear from him first. It's worth it to wait to hear
what God is speaking to me through Him!

Study-Here we use a commentary to learn more about the verses. We've got quite a few
commentaries at home that have been given as gifts, but Crosswalk.com is also an
invaluable resource for study. We love to use their commentaries in their Bible study section
as well as reading different translations that you can set up in parallel on the site. It's
enlightening to see what is revealed in various translations as well as reading the thoughts
of scholars and lovers of the Word.

Seek-We end with prayer. We ask God to help us live out what we've learned and to reveal
places of sin that require repentance. We pray for our family and needs that have arisen
throughout the day.

This simple method is helping us to become consistent. That's our main goal right now, because that's where we've fallen short in the past. I know we'll grow in other ways as we persevere. I love to envision us with gray hair sitting in recliners side by side with our Bibles on our laps and prayer on our lips. In those days we'll have lots of leisurely time for prayer and study, but I believe our short times together now are building a foundation for the days to come.