The Sacred Us

Welcome! I hope everybody had a great Valentine's Day yesterday!

Today I'm participating in Rachel Olsen's carnival of devotions on love. This devotion is a re-run of one that ran in 2006 in the Encouragement for Today devotions, but it's an important lesson that I learned and am still working to live out. Make sure to visit Rachel's blog to read more lessons on love.

Titus 2: 3-5, “…teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live… (and) to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” (NIV)

Devotion:
She didn’t even know that I was watching her. A few friends of mine had told me that a woman at our church named Deborah had committed to never speak negatively about her husband. Although I truly loved my husband and thought he was wonderful, he wasn’t perfect. What could be the harm of complaining about him along with friends and coworkers who had plenty to say about their husbands?

Just hearing about Deborah’s commitment challenged my heart, though. I began to watch her and her husband for signs of a difference. I also listened to her carefully to see if she really stuck to it. She really did, and the fruits of her faithfulness were obvious. Deborah and John had been married far longer than I had and also had three beautiful children, but they acted like they were still on their honeymoon. Their devotion was untarnished by the mistrust and bitterness caused by a critical heart and complaining lips. Many women knew about Deborah’s vow to publicly honor her husband, and not a single one of us ever heard her say anything to conflict with that vow.

Some of you may wonder how I’m doing in this quest to follow in Deborah’s footsteps. Well, I haven’t done it perfectly, but I now hear myself and make myself stop when I start to “vent” or complain. I think about how terrible I would feel if I walked into a room and heard him speaking negatively about ME. Women seem to struggle much more in this area, but I think it’s a place where God is calling us to greater self-control.

I’ve seen lots of fruit in my marriage, too. When I speak well of my husband, Barry, I think well of him. He has so many virtues—why should I focus on his few little imperfections? (That was for you, Honey!) Praising my husband to my friends actually grows my love for him, and that’s always a good thing. I also don’t ever have to worry about what I’ve said that might be repeated to him.

I have come to believe strongly in something I call “The Sacred Us”. We have a bond that is stronger than any bond that I have with another person. There are things that only the two of us share. Although I LOVE to talk, I don’t need to tell everybody everything. If there are problems between the two of us, there are only two places that I need to go. I can always pour out my heart to God, and scripture encourages us to do that very thing. I don’t have to “whistle in the dark”. I can call out to God in all kinds of dark places—including my marriage—and God will join me there for the purpose of redemption and healing.

I also have cultivated relationships with several godly, truth-telling women who love my husband as much as they love me. They will listen, offer godly counsel and tell me in a skinny minute if I’m the one who’s wrong. These types of women are the only ones that we need to share problems with when we need someone with whom we can pray and problem-solve.

Let’s all resolve to be the Deborah amongst our friends. Without even knowing it, she changed many of the marriages in our church for the better. I desire to be that godly example so that the bond between my husband and I is strengthened day by day but also so that the world would see a difference and that God would be glorified.

My Prayer for Today:
Dear Lord, please help me to control my tongue. I need your help to praise my husband instead of criticizing or complaining. In times of crises or conflict, remind me to turn to you first. Bring godly women into my life that will join with me in this endeavor so that we can encourage each other. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.