He Rebuilds

I was blessed growing up with parents who were and are two of my biggest cheerleaders. But whether you grew up with encouragement or not, there sometimes comes a day when all the "You can do it!"s in the world don't convince you.

Without bleeding all over you, suffice it to say that a move, a couple of friendships with bad endings and struggling to find a place in my new home town knocked the stuffing right out of me. I also joined the Proverbs 31 Ministries team during this time which has been one of the biggest gifts that God has ever given me. I had a huge fight, though, against my own tendency toward comparison. Little by little, I became convinced that I couldn't and that I wasn't. My confidence was shaken and then it crumbled.

But here's the thing. God is the Redeemer. Was it His plan that I would move, fail in some friendships and beat myself bloody trying to be somebody else? No! He did, however, use this bad place to bring me to a better place than where I started.

I started with, "I can do it", but He brought me to "He can do it in me."

At She Speaks this year, God's message to me was that He is sovereign. I joke about having an over-developed sense of responsibility, but it's true. Unfortunately, an over-developed sense of responsibility is the pretty twin sister of pride. It looks like humility and hard work, but really it's a lack of trust in God. He used one speaker after another to tell me to lay down the burden that I was never meant to carry. I had taken on His work, so no wonder I felt inadequate and shaky.

God began rebuilding in me about a year ago, but He capped it off when I got home from She Speaks this year. I didn't want to teach my Sunday school class on the Sunday after. I was tired and convinced I needed a break, but God had something to teach me through that lesson. So I taught.

II Corinthians 3:4-6 was one of the key scriptures which says, "Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

That's what God has been working inside of me for the last few years. He has brought me out of my own power, which is so limited and flawed, to being dependent on the infilling power of His Spirit in me. Confidence in myself has very limited power whereas confidence in Him brings limitless possibilities.

It's a good place to rest.