He Builds

Sometimes things have to be torn down before they can be rebuilt.

I've been going through some tearing down for quite a while, but I didn't realize that significant rebuilding has been going on right under my nose. When Barry asked an unexpected question this week (unexpected questions that open my heart right up are Barry's specialty), it opened my eyes to some of God's work in my life.

Our family took some time away at the beach last week, and it was a much-needed and deeply appreciated break from all that calls at home. On the second night, Barry and I sat on the deck overlooking the ocean. We talked in low voices about the topics that concern many of us--finances, parenting, plans for the future...

Suddenly, Barry asked his startling question.

"If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?"

My mind went blank except for the thought, "Whew! This is a really loaded question." At first I didn't want to answer (why ruin a great evening), but as in every marriage, there were some things that needed talked about. I made him promise that if I answered that he would answer (That was probably the plan all along, but I didn't want to face, "Oh honey, I wouldn't change a thing about you.")

So I answered Barry, but this post is about my flaws and not his. You'll have to see if he'll share what I said. :) When we finished talking about what I had said, I braced myself and re-asked the question, "What would you change about me?"

I had a pretty good list going in my mind of what I thought he'd say--I wish you weren't so critical. I wish you wouldn't talk so much. I wish you would cook dinner more often....Truly, the list is pretty long--this is just an excerpt of what could have been said.

What he actually said surprised me. "I want you to get your confidence back," he said. "When I married you, your favorite phrase was, 'I'll do it myself!' I've watched you lose your confidence over the years. It's gotten better in the last two years, but I want you to have it back."

What a sweet, gentle, unexpected answer. That left me with a lot to chew on. Over the next few days, God revealed a lot to me about what He's been up to in my heart and life pertaining to confidence. I'll share more this week about how I lost it and how I'm getting my groove back.

In the meantime, what is one thing that you'd change about yourself? Is it something that you've lost? Something you've never had? A flaw? A sin? Part of your character? (Don't get hopeless about this, God is in the transformation business!)