I went to a site this morning to look for a friendship poem that was running around in the back of my mind. It talks about friends being there for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Here's the funny thing...sad really. The comments that followed the poem posted on someone else's blog were a huge mud-slinging fight over who wrote the poem. There were several "authors" each claiming to have written the original poem in a different year.
I just thought how interesting it was to have such acrimony over a poem about friendship. It's funny that it points to the truth. Friendships are one of the most valuable human experiences, but they are also one of the most tricky. It can be one of the things that gives the most joy in life and one that causes the most heart ache.
My friend John said one time, "I want to mature, not just grow older." Part of my process in the struggle to gain maturity and not just wrinkles is my outlook on friendship. In the last few years, I have really been working to embrace the idea of the poem I was looking for. Not all friendships last a lifetime, and I want to be ok with that. I want to value each friendship for what it is or for what it was.
I'm realizing that only a small handful of women are the ones that I'll still be close to when I'm old, but that I can reflect thankfully on a lifetime of friendships--
My childhood friends who shared secrets and firsts.
My college friends who shared dorm rooms and early independence.
My teaching friends who shared lesson plans and the joys and frustrations of a room full of children.
My toddler days friends who shared play groups and recipes.
My soccer field friends who shared cheering and consoling.
My church friends who shared faith, growth and lessons.
My neighbor friends who shared yard work, chats on the porch and split perrenials.
I want to cherish them all and look back with love rather than regret or bitterness over ones that have faded. I have to confess that sometimes it's hard to let go with completely open hands, but that's my goal.
How are you dealing with friendships that have faded away? Do you ever struggle with that like I do?
Friday, September 3, 2010
Friendships for Seasons
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4 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing this!! What a precious reminder of working things out between old relationships that have been muddied, and new friendships that need to be tended to..that have dried up over the summer months.
Relationships are funny that way. One of my BFF's from childhood dropped off the radar when my fourth daughter was born in 1980. My fourth daughter happened to be born on her birhtday, too. I searched for her for 30 years. Just this July I found her via her brother who I located on Facebook. We connected through email sent back and forth for about two weeks. I finally asked her why she just vanished and I let her know that whatever the reason, I would always love her. After all, you don't search for someone for 30 years and then say, "The heck with you." After I asked her, communication stopped. It's been a month now. I've written her two heartfelt snailmail letters, but there's been no replies whatsoever. In a way, she's vanished again. My comfort is knowing that God brought us together at this time for a reason. She has my address, my phone numbers, and my email address -- so if and when she's ready to share again, she has the tools to get in touch. Sometimes that's all we can do with relationships -- let go and wait to see what happens.
Perhaps she was both a "for a season" friend (childhood) AND "for a reason" friend (because God kept my heart focused on finding her for so long). I thought that I was looking for her for me, but maybe not. Maybe it's been all about her need to be found and now I must let God finish what He placed in motion.
Oh boy, do I struggle with that sometimes. With the nomadic lifestyle I have I barely have a chance to get to know someone before it's time to move again. And although I might have seemed to have made a heart connection with someone, when you leave you really have to work to maintain that friendship. And sometimes, they don't stay afloat. I do love FB because it really does give you that chance to drop a "I'm thinking of you" note to someone, but not everyone is on here. :) The one thing I love about reconnecting with a friend, is when you realize that you are able to pick right back up, like you never skipped a beat, and truly share what is on your heart. My mom has a group of friends- they call themselves the "heart friends". These ladies make an effort to reconnect twice a year. They fly or drive to somewhere in the US and spend about 5 days together - no kids or husbands allowed. Sometimes they all come, but sometimes only a few can make it, but the always call those ladies that aren't there and send them pictures. They sing together, they share what is happening in their lives and they always pray for each other. When my dad died, and my mom missed the gathering, they called her and left a message singing Blessed Assurance. It was the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I'm envious of this special relationship, and hope that one day I will have a group as special as this. Did I mention that they come together from all over the US? It takes effort on everyone's part and that's what makes friendships work.
This is so funny. I've been bombarded with FRIEND posts the last few days.
It's almost like it is friendship week!
I have struggled with finding genuine friends since I moved here 8 years ago.
People tend to live superficially. Not only in friendships but in their faith relationships as well.
I'm working on being real in all aspects of my life.
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