The Sweet Spot

My son's sad face tugged at my heart and reminded me of long-ago disappointments. Just like I didn't receive the lead in the school musical but instead participated as Townsperson #37, Nolan didn't make the school's soccer team. It really hurts to want to do or be something and fall short.

The journey to finding our "sweet spot", the place where we really shine, is filled with trial, error and some failure. But finally finding that niche that we were created for is amazing.

I remember standing in front of my church speaking in front of a crowd for the first time. Even though I was so nervous that I wasn't sure I could finish without running for the trashcan, I sat down feeling so FULL. I thought, "I know most people hate doing that, but I think I was made for it." Sweet spot.

As I head for Virginia Beach today to lead a weekend retreat, I'm going to be praying for my boy. He's just at the beginning of the journey to find the purpose for which he was created. It's an arduous trip, but I can't wait to see where he lands.

Searching for Inspiration

My commitment to writing three times a week is being challenged this morning. Truthfully, I'm tired and short on inspiration. I'm going to make a list of things and people that inspire me in hopes that it will light my wet wood.

• Sunrises in the mountains
• Sunsets at the beach or over the ocean
• Stories in scripture that describe flawed men and women who are still used by God
• The prospect of a new stamp on my passport
• My husband as he works daily to support our family
• Olympic athletes who focus and train
• A beautifully written book
• Southern lit that speaks to my southern soul
• My mentors: Layne, Mona, Macon, Cathy, Jean
• My boys standing for Jesus in a tough youth culture
• Music--especially if it's played by one of my guys
• My friends who are proclaiming Christ as they go through hard things
• My friends who point out Christ when I'm going through hard things
• Women who pray powerfully
• People who take risks to do great things for God

That's not a bad start. I'm feeling better. What inspires you on mornings that you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

Sixteen Candles

On Saturday, Anson, our firstborn, turned sixteen. Why is it that some birthdays hit with more impact than others. For those of you who have children that have already hit this milestone, you know that it strikes a little fear in your heart, because you know that child is about to drive away on his own. EEEEK!
But I trust this boy. He's not perfect (though neither is his mama!!!), but he is growing into a man that I like and even admire. It's a matter of course that I love my own children, but liking them is a whole other thing. I'd choose to spend time with Anson even if he wasn't my own. He's one Jesus loving, horn playing, soccer ball dribbling guy.

This picture cracks me up, because Anson is usually very low key and not excitable (unlike his mama!). I love it when he gets excited and emotions overflow.

I've been reflecting on how we got to this place with a teenager that we like. For those of you with younger children, I want to share some lessons that we've learned along the way. I have to issue a disclaimer, though. I am sharing these lessons with great fear and trembling. I don't think I've ever written or spoken on parenting, because we're not finished with this parenting journey yet. We've got 7 more years of teenager-dom ahead of us, so please pray for the boys, Barry and me! These are truths that God has shown me along the way rather than my own brilliant parenting tips.

Lesson 1: God loves my children even more than I do.

Nobody warned me about the hormone surge post-delivery. How come everybody automatically switches from talking your body during pregnancy to solely the baby's body post-pregnancy? I was woefully ignorant about the challenges my body would face after that little baby was out in the world.

One of the alarming things that I experienced was terrible nightmares during the first couple of weeks after we brought Anson home. I would wake up absolutely terrified. Later I read that this is a common side-effect of the post-pregnancy hormone surge.

One night I woke up standing beside Anson's crib. I had been dreaming that my sweet baby had been killed and that there was blood dripping down the walls. Needless to say, I was terrified and sobbing hysterically.

I stumbled back to bed where I laid wide-eyed and shaking. Suddenly, God's still small voice broke through my fear. "I love him even more than you do, Amy." An incredible peace washed over me as I realized that God's stake in this little life was even greater than my own.

That scene has played over and over again through our years of parenting. When I begin to fear for my children, God reminds me that he loves them more. There is nothing that I would do for them that He wouldn't out-do. This lesson has been so valuable and has allowed me to overcome my fears about failure in parenting and given me an "open-handed" approach that keeps me from my tendency to over-control and micro-manage.

Lesson 2: Pray that your children are saved at an early age.

Both of our children were saved as preschoolers, and I'm eternally grateful. Again, I want to stress that this was not by virtue of superior parenting. Salvation is the gift of God and happens in His timing.

I was actually concerned that my boys couldn't have a real understanding of salvation at four years old. I even went to talk to one of my pastors about it. He said something so comforting, "Amy, if you have taught your children about Jesus from the day that they are born, salvation should be the natural step that they take as soon as they can understand that they are sinners."

Wow! Isn't that great? I encourage those of you with little ones to read Bible stories, sing songs, pray and talk about Jesus. Weave it into every moment so that your child will turn to the Savior as soon as they understand that they need Him.

More than any parenting technique that I could extol, I want to praise the power of the Holy Spirit! Think about the list of fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Are those all things we'd like to instill in our children?

God accomplishes so much more in our redeemed children than we could ever dream.

I have watched in wonder as conflicting emotions have flashed across my big 'ole boy's face when I ask him to do something he doesn't like. Nine times out of ten he obeys and a final look of submission settles on his countenance. Friends, that's not something I can teach. That's the gift of self-control from the Holy Spirit. I'm so thankful that God is doing a greater work in Anson's life than I was allowing Him to do in my life at 16!

Lesson 3: Discipline, discipline, discipline

I want to give God all the credit, but I don't want you to think that Barry and I are completely passive in this process. I heard a quote from John Rosemond (who I highly recommend if you are looking for parenting resources) years ago. He said, "Children are like credit cards. You can pay now, or you can pay later with interest. But you ARE going to pay."

So true! For my sweet friends with little ones, my best advice is that you have to win the war early. Those precious babies with their sin nature...they want to rule you, but you can't let them. If you want to enjoy your teenagers, establish yourself as the authority in your home when your children are toddlers. The war is much nastier when they're older.

You might be offended with the idea of parenting being a war. We are not at war against our children, but we do have an enemy that wants to steal, kill and destroy our children, and his name is Satan. We have to help our children bring their sin nature under submission to God. Teaching them obedience to their parents helps them to ultimately come under submission to His divine authority.

For those of you with older children, we'd love to hear from you about lessons that you've learned on parenting along the way. I need some godly advice on teens! For those of you with toddlers, we know this is a fun and wonderful time of life but very hard. Hang in there! Your sisters are standing with you and cheering for you!!

Girls Gone Extreme

Doesn't this group look like the most fun? I took a "field trip" from my all-boy household last weekend and spent it with a group of high school girls for our church's Metamorphasis weekend.

Favorite moment: all the girls piled in my bathtub for a picture during the photo scavenger hunt

Favorite activity: Listening to Morgan tell us over Skype from Wyoming how God called her to Extreme ministry with YWAM.

Favorite time of the day: Breakfast at the Flemings with everybody still roaming around in their pjs.

Favorite discussion: When the girls got real about the struggles of living a consistent life between church and school.

Favorite message: Clayton King's message on Sunday morning. He never fails to rock my world by faithfully bringing God's Word with FIRE!

Favorite plea: Watching Charie King plead with the girls to make Jesus their one and only king. Her heart is priceless.

The whole weekend expanded my heart. I can't wait for next year!

When Life is Not a Fairy Tale

I saw that one of my favorite American Idols, Fantasia, has come out with her biography called Life Is Not a Fairy Tale. If you read Fantasia’s life story or Lillian’s story from Encouragement for Today, you may recognize some of the trials of life that you’ve experienced. Life really isn’t a fairy tale.

My aunt used to say it this way with a wicked grin, “Life is a cheat and a disappointment. The sooner you realize it, the happier you’ll be.” That’s a cynically funny take on an obvious truth. We’ll inevitably experience the pain of living in a fallen world. We face death, disease, evil people, and suffer hurt from the sins of others.

Should we just resign ourselves to these things as the reality of life? Facing hardships bring so many to despair or bitterness. How should Christians respond? Here are some truths that bring us back to hope:

We weren’t made for this.
Humanity was created for the Garden, and we’ll return to a garden when Jesus comes back. “On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.” (Rev. 22:2-3 NIV)

Whew-y, I look forward to living there! While we live on this fallen planet, suffering will both remind us that things aren’t right and that it won’t last forever. As our awesome youth pastor said to a hurting young woman recently, “The earth is not fair, and it is not our home.”

God doesn’t waste anything.
My favorite name of God is “Redeemer”. We know that all that we experience comes through His hand and that He is able to use all things for our good. He uses every experience to make us more into His image. As CS Lewis says, I may want to choose a less arduous path (and I often would!), but then I am choosing less love not more.

Peter says it this way: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” (I Peter 4:12-13 NIV)

We aren’t alone.
Life may not be a fairy tale, but we do have a Prince on a white horse. Jesus is the Savior and the lover of our souls. He will never leave us or forsake us, so we can know even in silent times that He is there. He loves us more than we can ever imagine. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39 NIV)

I’m praying for you who are hurting today that these truths will be a balm to your soul. I’m praying that God will strengthen you to lift your hands to cling to Him and that He will wrap you tight in His loving arms. And I’m praying for Him to send some human hands and arms your way today to come alongside and encourage you.

The Sacred Us

Welcome! I hope everybody had a great Valentine's Day yesterday!

Today I'm participating in Rachel Olsen's carnival of devotions on love. This devotion is a re-run of one that ran in 2006 in the Encouragement for Today devotions, but it's an important lesson that I learned and am still working to live out. Make sure to visit Rachel's blog to read more lessons on love.

Titus 2: 3-5, “…teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live… (and) to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” (NIV)

Devotion:
She didn’t even know that I was watching her. A few friends of mine had told me that a woman at our church named Deborah had committed to never speak negatively about her husband. Although I truly loved my husband and thought he was wonderful, he wasn’t perfect. What could be the harm of complaining about him along with friends and coworkers who had plenty to say about their husbands?

Just hearing about Deborah’s commitment challenged my heart, though. I began to watch her and her husband for signs of a difference. I also listened to her carefully to see if she really stuck to it. She really did, and the fruits of her faithfulness were obvious. Deborah and John had been married far longer than I had and also had three beautiful children, but they acted like they were still on their honeymoon. Their devotion was untarnished by the mistrust and bitterness caused by a critical heart and complaining lips. Many women knew about Deborah’s vow to publicly honor her husband, and not a single one of us ever heard her say anything to conflict with that vow.

Some of you may wonder how I’m doing in this quest to follow in Deborah’s footsteps. Well, I haven’t done it perfectly, but I now hear myself and make myself stop when I start to “vent” or complain. I think about how terrible I would feel if I walked into a room and heard him speaking negatively about ME. Women seem to struggle much more in this area, but I think it’s a place where God is calling us to greater self-control.

I’ve seen lots of fruit in my marriage, too. When I speak well of my husband, Barry, I think well of him. He has so many virtues—why should I focus on his few little imperfections? (That was for you, Honey!) Praising my husband to my friends actually grows my love for him, and that’s always a good thing. I also don’t ever have to worry about what I’ve said that might be repeated to him.

I have come to believe strongly in something I call “The Sacred Us”. We have a bond that is stronger than any bond that I have with another person. There are things that only the two of us share. Although I LOVE to talk, I don’t need to tell everybody everything. If there are problems between the two of us, there are only two places that I need to go. I can always pour out my heart to God, and scripture encourages us to do that very thing. I don’t have to “whistle in the dark”. I can call out to God in all kinds of dark places—including my marriage—and God will join me there for the purpose of redemption and healing.

I also have cultivated relationships with several godly, truth-telling women who love my husband as much as they love me. They will listen, offer godly counsel and tell me in a skinny minute if I’m the one who’s wrong. These types of women are the only ones that we need to share problems with when we need someone with whom we can pray and problem-solve.

Let’s all resolve to be the Deborah amongst our friends. Without even knowing it, she changed many of the marriages in our church for the better. I desire to be that godly example so that the bond between my husband and I is strengthened day by day but also so that the world would see a difference and that God would be glorified.

My Prayer for Today:
Dear Lord, please help me to control my tongue. I need your help to praise my husband instead of criticizing or complaining. In times of crises or conflict, remind me to turn to you first. Bring godly women into my life that will join with me in this endeavor so that we can encourage each other. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Peonys and Chiggers

I have the worst memory. Really the worst.

My dad and I were talking just yesterday about strategies for beating insomnia. We both suffer occasionally, and my dad gives me the best tips for breaking The Loop (my name for obsessive thoughts that hit me mostly between 3:00am and my alarm clock going off.

His latest piece of advice is to remember something pleasant from the past. He told me that he picks a memory and tries to remember every detail--every thought, sight, scent and sound. He especially likes memories from our family's year in England or our skiing trips. Dad says that he can remember specific skiing trails and the swish, swish sound of his skis.

That just amazes me. I can't remember details from yesterday. But what if I really worked at it? I think the problem is that I'm so busy moving forward at 100 mph that I don't slow down enough to remember.

Today was a sweet day that I got to slow down and remember as we told stories and reminisced about my Grandma Evans' life.

I had the most fun with my cousin Michael. He started off by asking me if I grow peonys. I do! Then he asked me if the scent of peonys always reminds me of Grandma. I had never even thought about it, but during the spring and summer, she always had a peony or rose in the middle of her table. My Grandpa had a beautiful English garden right smack in the middle of Topeka, KS.

We started talking about all kinds of childhood memories that I hadn't replayed in years. I especially loved my grandparents yard. They had a screen house where we'd play and eat out. There were paths all through the flowers and some yummy things, too. I remember my Grandpa scared me to death when he chased me out of his strawberries with a broom one day.

We often "played" croquet. It was actually playing who could hit the ball the hardest and maybe whack your cousin. Anyway, we had a croquet set.

And I loved going barefoot in that lovely carpet of grass. That was until I woke up in the morning with chigger bites all along my underwear lines. Hate those nasty mid-western critters!

Memories. What a gift. I realize that so many don't have many happy childhood memories, but those happy ones are such a gift. When you close your eyes and let your mind drift, is there anything that you would share?

Notes from Kansas

• Yesterday my brother Jason and I traveled to Kansas for my grandmother's funeral. It was so good to get to spend time with him. My brother is this interesting mix of serious theologian and total crackup. In response to my saying, "Isn't it sad to think that we won't have so much of a reason to visit Topeka any more?", he deadpanned, "Well, there's always the night life."
• Remember I said I'd rather meet Anne Graham Lotz than Brad Pitt? See how I've been quoting her new book like a crazy woman? Guess what?! She was on my plane to Atlanta yesterday!!!!!! I tried not to hyperventilate (I know this is not healthy BUT I do love her because she loves God so much, so that's not terrible, right?), and I said to her as I walked past, "I'm traveling with your new book today." She said, "If you'll bring it up to me once we're in the air, I'll sign it for you." How gracious and kind! So I did. My brother thinks I'm a basket case, but that little encounter probably made my month.
• It was great to see my aunt and two of my cousins last night. It was sad to be at my uncle's house for the first time since his death and to know that he and my grandmother won't greet me at the door. It makes me look forward to heaven even more than I did yesterday. I'm filled with the hope that they'll meet me at the door of our new home.

Sorry this is kind of a scattered post. This blogging business has gotten to be sort of how I process.

In His Presence

Lula Martha Alweena Vogel Evans. That was my grandmother's name, and you can tell she was a spitfire just from her moniker.

My family is going to miss her terribly. After 95 full years of life, she died on Saturday. It's one of those times that though my heart aches for my mom, my aunt and uncle, my heart is full of joy for my grandmother. She's released from the ravages of old age and from grieving her son who died earlier last year.

Lula Martha Alweena Vogel Evans is in the home that my heart longs for. She is in the presence of Jesus.

My list of those with whom I yearn to be reconnected grows--Grandpa Evans, Grandpa Dohm, Linda, Granddaddy Scott, Granddaddy Carroll, Grandmama Carroll, Dean, Grandmama Scott and now Grandma Evans. When I sing those great hymns of the faith that point to heaven, I picture in my mind the people that I love in front of Jesus. It's a picture that gives me joy and hope.

But today I'm still here--on this planet that is and is not my home. I want to live today, though, with a view of heaven. I want to live out the commandments to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength. I want to love my neighbor as myself. I want to gain victory over sin in the power of the Holy Spirit and to live the life that God created for me.

Anne Lotz challenged me with this during my morning quiet time:

"Years ago, I heard a great Bible teacher issue a challenge that not only haunts me with fear of failure but motivates me to be very disciplined and intentional about living in my new nature. He asked this question: When you get to heaven, and
for the first time you see Jesus face-to-face,
for the first time you fully comprehend what it cost Him to open heaven's
gates for you,
for the first time you understand the height and depth and breadth
and length of His love,
for the first time you possess your eternal treasures,
don't you think you will want to have something to give Him in return for all He has given you? On that day, will you have the ashes of a wasted life to press into His nail-scarred palm? Or will you have a crown to lay at His nail-scarred feet? Nothing I could ever give Him would be adequate to express my heartfelt appreciation for all He has done for me, but a crown would be something to give... What happens at the judgment seat of Christ then is determined by our choices now."

Whew! Pray with me.

Lord, we are your children who long to have something to offer you when it is our turn to stand before you in heaven. Thank You that you have surrounded us with a great cloud of witnesses who have gone before us to set an example to follow. As we move toward the day of being in Your Presence, we desire to allow You to work in us here and now. Help us to make one choice of obedience at a time out of our great love for You. Amen.

Let's walk it out, Sisters!

Giving and Goodies

Friends ~ As you know, God calls each of us to be the hands and feet of Jesus. He calls us to serve the least of these. He calls us to...
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves"(Proverbs 31:8)

I am very proud to partner with Compassion International as they seek to rescue children from poverty, in Jesus' name. I have seen first hand their work in the poorest communities in Ecuador where our sponsored child Manuel lives. We got to see Jesus through Compassion's work there when we traveled to Ecuador with our speaker team.We saw firsthand, they are the real deal!

Their work is changing lives, families and entire communities.When the earthquake hit Haiti, Compassion had a team on the ground within 24 hours. They were providing emergency relief and preparing to help rebuild. My friends at She Seeks were inspired by Compassion's efforts and have issued a Speak Up challenge in response. I would love for you to join them. They are up to very cool things! It's a free way to give to Haiti relief.

Check it out HERE!

Give to Compassion's Haiti Disaster Relief fund HERE!

This is a time to give! But it's also a time when some friends of mine want to bless you with the opportunity to RECEIVE as well!

My friends Lysa is giving away an amazing Bible Study gift pak that includes a book, a DVD set with 6 weeks of great teaching and a study guide to go with it. This is something you want to win!!!

My friend Karen is doing a fantastic marriage give-away on her blog. It includes a couples 'basket-in-a-box' centered around Bill and Pam Farrel's best-selling book Men Are Like Waffles; Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understand and Delighting in Your Differences. There are some other fun guy and girl items as well. Oh, I want to win this one too!

Instead of leaving comments open today, I'm going to close them and encourage you to head on over to all these amazing places - to give and maybe receive, too.

Have a great weekend!

A Sad Decline

I'm a real southern girl through and through. My parents, who hail from Kansas, used to laugh at our NC neighbors who had such a low tolerance for snow.

Hellooooo...once again I have proven to myself that although I was born in Kansas, the South has imprinted me with not only a hick-ish (I mean belle-ish) accent but with ambivalence for snow.

Here's how it goes:

Day 1: Ooooo....Isn't it beautiful? It just makes me feel so spiritual. It reminds me of how Jesus covers my sin.

Day 2: (With a mug of hot chocolate with yummy marshmellows) I just love watching my big 'ole boys play in the snow. It's not so bad that drippy boots and soppy coats are laying everywhere.

Day 3: (I'm still in my pajamas from day 1) This is getting a little old. There is too much yellow snow for snow cream. There are tracks all through the beautiful whiteness. There is not a snowplow in sight, because, after all, we are in the South. I'm starting to feel a little cabin fever.

Day 4: (Still in said nasty pajamas and nairy a shower in days) Running screaming through the house... Go back to school!!!!!! Get back to work!!!!!!! What are you all still doing here?!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, that is only a slight exaggeration. Do you see the sad slide from the snow covering sin to the snow creating sin? (It IS the snow's fault...right?) Pitiful.

Encouragement EXTREme 2010

Encouragement EXTREme 2010