Jesus in Every Season of My Life

I should have read ahead in the book. You know, the pregnancy "bible" What to Expect When You're Expecting? Then I might have known that nightmares are one of the side-effects of the post-partum hormone wash.

But I didn't know, so I was terrified when I woke up standing beside my newborn's crib. I was wakened from a horror house dream where he was laying in a room with blood streaming down the walls. Dead. Because I was such a neglectful mother. (Sorry if this is more than you bargained for today.)

Looking with wide awake eyes, I saw that my firstborn was fine. His tiny chest rose and fell peacefully with extended night-time breaths, but I stumbled back to bed with a pounding heart.
Once back in bed, fear paralysis set in and kept sleep at bay. I lay board stiff and thought about all the things that could go wrong--everything from Sudden Death Syndrome to a drug addicted teen. My night-time imagination knows no bounds.

Suddenly a very loud but completely silent voice interrupted my doomsday revery. "I love him more than you do."

What?

"I love him more than you do."

Because He's my Shepherd, I knew Jesus' voice, and peace flooded my soul and washed away my fearful thoughts.

I didn't need to be fearful about the tiny life in the nursery across the hall, because my Jesus loved and cared for him even more than his smitten mother.

Yesterday, I realized that as we enter into this final year at home with our firstborn, Jesus has been faithful. He has shown us that He truly does love Anson more than we do. He has been there for all the "firsts", even this last first day of regular school.

Thank you, Jesus.