The Nature of Grace

There are so many things that make me happy...

Our boys...



My hubby...The spring flowers blossoming in my yard (go away, freeze, go away!)...

But there is another thing that makes me happy...a beautiful book.

Although I thought for a long time that I didn't want a Kindle, I love the one my guys gave me for Mother's Day last year. Because I'm notoriously cheap, I especially adore the free books.

Recently, I downloaded the book version of one of my top two favorite musicals, Les Miserables. (Wicked is the other.) Some of you may have already read it, so you know that it's a labor of love to get through that bohemoth volume. I almost put it down for good in frustration. However, I'm almost half way through now, and I'm so thankful that I didn't give up.

Les Miserables is the most beautiful story of grace, and I am still in the process of grasping God's love and grace. I've said before that I struggle with grace, and I'm so grateful to have a fresh picture in the form of a beautiful story.

This morning I reached the place where Victor Hugo expresses Jean Valjean's struggle that is my own. When he was in a wretched place, he compared himself to the righteous bishop who extended the first taste of grace to him and saw himself as a wretch in need. When Jean lived righteously, he began to compare himself to other men, and pride entered in as the enemy.

I feel like I constantly swing between those two perceptions of myself--wretch or super-saint.

They both are twisted versions of the truth about me. I really am a worm in need of grace. I truly am a saint because of the blood of Jesus.

Grasping grace is finding a place of rest in between those two truths. It's rest from wrestling my flesh from one perverted version to the other. Grace is God's gift, and I'm slowly learning to unwrap it. I'm thankful for a book like Les Miserables that tears one more piece of wrapping off the treasure inside.

This song is another thing that makes me happy (and sad and sappy). Enjoy the beauty!

While Waiting

On February 19, 1994, I was waiting. Waiting to become a mom for the first time...and that little booger was late. By a whole week!! After an agonizing wait to get pregnant and 5 months of waiting to stop throwing up, the least he could have done is show up on time!

Tomorrow I'll be celebrating 18 years of this handsome young man's life (We bloggie friends are allowed to brag to each other a little about our kids, right?).

It's funny that his birthday and my "God, Could You Please Hurry?" devotion coincide, because I'm watching him wait.

Waiting to vote.

Waiting to be considered an official adult.

Waiting to go to college.

Waiting to break his poor mama's heart--just kidding! I'm so excited to see the man he's becoming.

I remember those days. My parents were big on rites of passage, so I did a lot of waiting.

Waiting for my first bike.

Waiting to get my ears pierced.

Waiting to go to the prom.

And then I entered the big waiting years. Waiting to finish college, to get married, to have a baby...

And look at him now. Now I wish I could have some of the time back. All that looking forward often means that I missed out on the present.

So today I'm giving some wise advise from a sappy mom's heart.

Don't rush. Savor the time while you wait.

I'm preaching to myself too.... We need to slow down and not only trust God's timing for the thing for which we wait but also live fully in the present. We need to enjoy life in the here and now instead of always living with our eyes fastened on the not yet. We need to dig our toes in the sand, raise our face to the sun, listen to our children's giggles, dip our fingers in the batter, whisper secrets to a friend, snuggle on the couch with our husband and do all the simple things that make life truly joyful.

Today I celebrate the times of waiting and mostly I celebrate the boy who was completely worth waiting for.

Happy birthday, Anson!!! I love you!!!

What If I Don't Know How?

In this morning's devotion, Retreat with Jesus, I share about spending a school day alone with God. As I thought about the blog post for today, I remembered my early days as a Christian and realized that today's devotion would have been completely intimidating to me. "A whole day!" my young self would have thought, "I don't even know how to spend a few minutes with God!"

Maybe you had the same thought. I'd love to share my friend Tara Furman's story about the start of her journey to know God. She is one of the women in my life that inspires me, but she's experienced growth one step at a time too. Here's her story:

For years I attended church, yet God was not REAL to me. What I did know of Him was kept in a "Sunday morning box." When I joined a Bible study, He stayed in my Monday evening box. Looking back, I was merely going through the motions of "religion". I had no idea that the God of the Universe was pursuing a love relationship with me....

One year, God revealed His sense of humor when I was asked to join my study's group of 60+ leaders. What an honor to be a leader! To me these women were spiritual giants. Not because of the Bible facts they knew, but because of the wisdom they exuded in every situation.... They were each the kind of woman I aspired to be. I had great admiration for these women. Now, I was one of them--however by title only.

Inside this circle of Christian women, I saw their surrender and realized I was merely putting on a charade. Outside the circle, I looked and sounded like the rest of the world. The things I did, the places I went, the language I used, the clothes I wore, and the way I handled difficulties did not reflect the title I bore. I had two personalities: One for my church friends, and another for everyone else.

During the years I was privileged to serve with these women, I began to desperately want what these women had. I found myself leaving the leaders' meeting each week begging God to allow me to know Him the way they knew Him. Then one day, God led me to their secret....

The Lord began showing me that the Bible was not to be a book that sits on a shelf. The Bible was not to be brought out just for show on Sunday morning. The Bible was not to be used as a text book for where I could find the answers to the questions for Bible study so that I could attend with all the blanks filled in. The Bible was not to be treated as just another book with idle words written in it--the Bible as to be my life.

That realization began a journey for Tara that led to a rich, deep relationship with Jesus and starting a ministry for other women who long to know Him. Her story is an excerpt from Intimacy with God: Establishing a Vibrant Quiet Time and Prayer Time. I recommend her prayer journal and study highly if you are just learning about spending time with God. To learn more about Tara and to hear her everyday story of learning to know God, visit her at her blog.

Refresher Course

I've started the year off with Jesus Calling as a place to start my quiet times. As usual, I'm behind the curve with my reading, and you've probably been reading it for years! This morning, the devotion spoke directly to where I am, and the scripture reference was perfect.

God is so good like that.

Psalm 42: 1-2 says, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"

Immediately my mind went to my high school days singing "As the deer panteth for the waters so my soul longeth after thee..." For years God used that song as my heart check.

Do I long for God that way?

Do I thirst for Him?

Is my soul satisfied with lesser things?

Do I wait with excitement for the moments that I'm alone with God?

Reading the scripture and singing the song this morning brought a fresh breeze blowing through my heart. Reminders of the "old days" when my relationship with Jesus was new and exciting brought a refresher to my current walk--a walk that is steadier but that I sometimes allow to go stale.

What keeps your relationship with Jesus fresh?

The Place My Heart is Resting

This morning I really want to let God's Word speak instead of me.

I've been meditating on Psalm 112 for about a week, and it has brought rest and refreshment to my heart. In my effort to understand the redemptive work of suffering in a Christian's life, sometimes I get off balance. This chapter has been reminding me of the blessings connected with following God.

Bask, friends, and rest...

Psalm 112

Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands.

His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.

Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever.

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever.

He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted high in honor.

The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.