Finding Whole--Part III

You know, I’ve shared this story so many times of how God called us to adoption, and to care for the orphans in China.  But what I’ve not shared before now is the condition my heart was in when God called us to adopt.  I was still that lost, broken person that I described earlier.

I didn’t have a crystal ball in front of me to know how the story was going to end.  All I knew was no matter how hard I tried to get things right in my life, at the end of the day I was still that broken person—that broken Christian—wondering what was wrong with me, and why I felt so empty and lost inside.

I’m reminded of a quote from a friend of mine who serves in China.  She said, “We are not all called to adopt these children into our families. But we are all called to look at them, even though it makes our eyes burn, and be willing to let their needs disrupt our lives." ~Kristin Swick Wong

And disrupt my life, they did. 

As I stepped into the fields of the fatherless for the very first time, I went in with the hope I would be able to make a difference; A change for the better in their lives.  But what I discovered was they were the ones who would be changing my life instead.  Because once you hold an orphan in your hands, your heart and your life will be changed forever.  God takes your heart and He breaks it for what breaks His.  And in that brokenness He takes His love and He begins to fill you up.  His love seeps into all the cracks and crevices until eventually you are no longer empty and broken, rather you are filled and you are whole.

For the very first time in my Christian walk, I felt whole.  I felt complete.  I finally learned the lesson which I had been searching for so many years—my identity could not found in my husband, or my children, or my career, because all of those things just told about me.  But they were not who I was.  They were not my identity.  My true identity was in Christ, which I finally learned when I became the Hands and Feet of Jesus.

As I prayed and asked God how I could possibly share this same lesson with others, I just couldn’t come up with the words to describe what I experienced. I found myself praying, “Lord, I just want them to see and feel what you’ve done for me, and what you can do for them also.”

And in that moment His Holy Spirit came pouring over me.   So I closed my eyes and I began to type His words as they flowed out of my fingers and onto the keyboard.

Those children are who are on My heart.

When you reach down and you pick them up, you are holding brokenness and hopelessness.

When you hold them, My love pours out from you and into that child’s life.

Your voice becomes My voice so I can speak to them.

Your hands become My hands so I can feel them.

And when you pull that child close to you, your breath becomes mine so I can breathe on them.

Your heartbeat becomes mine, so they can feel my heart beating through yours.

And for you….in that very moment…you will experience just a small taste of what I feel when I hold your broken heart in My hands and you allow me to deliver you with forgiveness and wholeness.  It is in that moment that I complete you and you are mine forever. 

Vickie, thank you IMMENSELY for sharing your beautiful story with us.  Today I urge you to prayerfully seek God about a place of humble service that may change your life.  Also, please visit Vickie's Zhanjiang Kids Organization website to see how God is using her help children in China.  Who knows?  Maybe your place of service is joining with Vickie!

Vickie is the Co-Founder and Director of Zhanjiang Kids Organization. She and her husband Jim have seven children, four of which are adopted from China. After working 26 years in the corporate world of management in accounting and human resources, Vickie retired to raise her children and to work inside China’s orphanages. Vickie does public speaking and workshops in which she shares her passion for God’s healing and hope He gives to the orphans and the broken- hearted.  She also speaks on her experience in international orphan care, the affects of children being institutionalized and adoption. In what little spare time she has, Vickie enjoys leading a women’s Bible study at her church, traveling and spending time with her family. To read more of Vickie's story, visit her at her blog.  

Finding Whole--Part II

In 2003, God called Jim and I to adopt a baby from China.  While we were in China to adopt our daughter, Aangrace, we felt God calling us to adopt again.

Prior to our second trip, arrangements were made for us to deliver some donations to Anagrace’s orphanage.  It had been closed to outside visitors for years, so we weren’t really expecting to see much.   The Director asked what we would like to see and I immediately said, “The babies!”

When she led us into the room, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  In front of me was a sea of cribs lined head to toe.  As far as I could see to the back of the room were cribs.    It was so quiet….so I tiptoed up to a crib, assuming the babies were sleeping.  I peered down into the crib and looking up at me was this beautiful little baby with big round marble eyes—she was awake!  So I quickly scanned down the row of cribs to discover they were not sleeping, they were all awake.

So I scooped up the first baby, with Jim and our daughter Amber following behind me.  We began to hold and pray over every single baby.  The further we got into the nursery the older the babies appeared in age.  And the older they were, the worse condition they were in.  By the time we got to the back of the room we witnessed babies who would open their mouths to cry, but nothing would come out.  It was as if they were silent tears.  And the reason for their silence?  They had simply stopped crying because no one would answer their cries—so they just stopped.

That day we held and prayed over 100 babies.

Have you ever had something happen to you, and while it was happening you knew your life was never going to be the same.  This was one of those moments for me.

That night when I went to bed every time I would close my eyes I would see their faces.   They literally haunted me.  I tossed and turned for hours.  Finally around 2am I got up and sat in the chair.  I put my face into my hands and I sobbed.  I sobbed for about an hour.  I had never felt so much sadness and heartache in my life.

Finally there were no more tears left inside of me and I started to pray.  There in my hotel room, in the middle of the night, on the other side of the world, I told God, “Lord, I don’t know how.  And I don’t know what to do.  But if you will provide a way to help those babies, I will be Your Hands and Your Feet.  Use me to help them!”

After I prayed I sat there for a moment and I could feel the warmth of God’s presence come over me.  Even amongst all the sadness of that horrible day….I felt complete peace.  I felt content.  That was the moment when my emptiness started to become filled….when my brokenness began to be transformed into wholeness.

After that night I kept my promise.  And God certainly took me at my word.  He started to open doors that should have never been opened.    He moved in ways so miraculous, there were times when I felt like I had to run to keep up with Him.

I received approval from the Chinese government to work inside the orphanage.  We raised over $20,000 in donations.  I founded a 501c3 non-profit organization.  And within 13 months, I returned to the orphanage, along with a professional team, to implement an infant nurture program.  We hired and trained nannies in early childhood development, and taught them the importance of loving, caring, playing, and holding the babies.  Other than during bed time and nap time, the babies are now out of their cribs and in the loving arms of their aunties.  As of today, over 300 babies have benefited from this program.

The next year we establish a sponsorship program for the school age children to attend school outside the orphanage gates.  To date, approximately 200 orphaned children have received the same quality education as those children who have families in China.

And just within the last year, we implemented the first ever pre-school program for special needs children to be offered in a government run orphanage in China.

When I share this story, this is normally the part where I get the wide eyed looks.  But I have to tell you, this was not where God ended the story, because the work He was doing in my life was actually just beginning.

Vickie is the Co-Founder and Director of Zhanjiang Kids Organization. She and her husband Jim have seven children, four of which are adopted from China. After working 26 years in the corporate world of management in accounting and human resources, Vickie retired to raise her children and to work inside China’s orphanages. Vickie does public speaking and workshops in which she shares her passion for God’s healing and hope He gives to the orphans and the broken- hearted.  She also speaks on her experience in international orphan care, the affects of children being institutionalized and adoption. In what little spare time she has, Vickie enjoys leading a women’s Bible study at her church, traveling and spending time with her family.  To read more of Vickie's story, visit her at her blog.

Finding Whole--Part I

For the next few days, my new friend and Next Step client, Vickie Bennett is going to be sharing her story of finding wholeness in service.  Please come back each day and take this opportunity to encourage Vickie with your comments.

Here's Vickie!

My husband and I have seven children, four which we adopted from China.  And most people think that my story is all about adoption.  Of course that’s easy to understand considering I have the Little Wall of China following behind me wherever I go.  But honestly the fact that my husband and I adopted from China is really only a part of my story.

As I was growing up, I had what most would describe as a pretty normal childhood.  I grew up in a loving Christian family with both parents.  We lived on a farm in Ohio surrounded by corn fields.  We went to church every Sunday.  I even accepted the Lord as my personal savior and was baptized at the age of 12.  Honestly……there really wasn’t anything special about me—I was just a simple country girl, living an ordinary life.

But as I started to go through my teenage years, and on into my twenties, I started to get this deep feeling inside me of brokenness and loneliness.  And the strange thing was that I really didn’t know why.  I just never felt like I measured up or that I fit in.  I always felt really different and like something was wrong with me—somehow I wasn’t complete as a person.

After graduating from school and getting married, things started to get worse.  Not because of my marriage, but because of me.  I found myself searching and I couldn’t understand why.  I went to church every Sunday.  I read my Bible.  I prayed.  But it never felt like it was enough….something was missing.

And to make matters worse, I was convinced I was the only person who felt that way.  I would watch other people around me and they all looked like they had their lives together, like they were happy and didn’t have a care in the world.  All the while I was drowning inside my sea of emptiness.   I felt incomplete.  I felt broken—like there were holes in me—and I couldn’t understand why. 

So I tried to fill those holes with anything I could.  I threw myself into my career and worked my way up the corporate ladder to a successful career.  I traveled on wonderful vacations with my family.  I filled my life with all of my children’s activities.  And on the outside, everything WAS good.  But on the inside, something was incomplete.  It didn’t matter how hard I tried, I always ended up with the same feeling, like I was broken and all of the good things in my life were seeping out of the holes and left me feeling empty.

The more I thought about this the more I began to wonder.  Maybe I wasn’t the only person who ever felt this way.  Maybe I wasn’t the only Christian who struggled with feeling lost or empty inside.  I mean as Christians, we’ve been saved from our sins.  We have the security of eternal life in heaven.  We’re doing all the right things.  We’re reading our Bibles.  We pray.  We go to church.  So what’s the problem?  Where do those feelings come from—is it the broken world we live in, filled with so many problems and heartaches?

If we’re Christians, aren’t we supposed to rely on the promise of Romans 8:28, “…that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him?”  God tells us we are made in His image.  We are forgiven of our sins.  We have the security of eternal life in heaven.  But instead of feeling whole and complete in His image, we find ourselves walking through the journey of life, feeling empty and broken.  And why is that?

That is the question that I asked God so many times, as I cried out to Him for healing from all of my brokenness.  I wanted so desperately for my heart to resemble all the promises that He said I had as His child.  And the answer that He gave me.  The lesson He taught me.  Set me on a journey to wholeness, in the most unusual and unlikely way.

 Vickie is the Co-Founder and Director of Zhanjiang Kids Organization. She and her husband Jim have seven children, four of which are adopted from China. After working 26 years in the corporate world of management in accounting and human resources, Vickie retired to raise her children and to work inside China’s orphanages. Vickie does public speaking and workshops in which she shares her passion for God’s healing and hope He gives to the orphans and the broken- hearted.  She also speaks on her experience in international orphan care, the affects of children being institutionalized and adoption. In what little spare time she has, Vickie enjoys leading a women’s Bible study at her church, traveling and spending time with her family.  To read more of Vickie's story, visit her at http://writingmeintothestory.blogspot.com/

Something Beautiful

I'm upstairs writing, and Nolan, my 16-year-old, is downstairs strumming away and singing Need to Breath's song "Something Beautiful".

The lyrics bubble up memories of a precious friendship from years ago.  I met Linda while doing the world's most fun church job.  I was charged with visiting all the brand new moms in our church bearing a gift from our congregation.  Since I had a newborn too, it was a natural fit, and I absolutely loved making new friends with little baby bundles.

One week soon after my second child was born, I was given Linda Bistline's name to schedule a visit.

Linda's life was filled with the joy of a beautiful baby boy, but it was also filled with the strain of a serious diagnosis.  During her first trimester of her second pregnancy, she had been diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of breast cancer, and she received her first round of chemo during her final three months of pregnancy.  Those months had been filled with the side-effects of the treatment as well as deep concern for the baby inside of her.

In a time that most books on grief describe as "the circling of the wagons", a time when people often pull loved ones close and close out the rest of the world, Linda lived her life openly, welcomed new friends like me and quietly but gloriously lived her faith for all to see.  We instantly connected and enjoyed hours talking and laughing while we watched her 2 little boys and my 2 little boys grow and play.

Three years later, after a valiant fight including many treatments, a bone-marrow transplant and a short respite, the cancer returned, and Linda left this life to go spend eternity with Jesus.

Suddenly I lived the reality that not every ending is tied up in a pretty pink bow.  It was excruciating to watch her husband shepherd their two little boys through the funeral and the days following.  My own heart was broken as I grieved the loss of my friend.

But despite the pain, there was tremendous beauty.

Linda was a woman who loved Jesus and declared Him good "no matter what happens to me".  She poured out grace when we said well-meaning but insensitive things.  She adored her family and served them joyfully until the end.  (Including my happiest memory of Linda hostessing her oldest's birthday party complete with the most adorable caterpillar cake ever made.)

Linda lived what she said she believed, and she touched and changed everyone who met her.

Just like in my devotion today, Linda's shortened life was a collection of faith, love, family, friendship, deep belief...and sickness too.

It was something beautiful.

Please come back Wed, Thurs and Fri to read Vickie Bennett's story of how God used a painful experience to bring her into a beautiful calling.  To make sure you don't miss it, you can subscribe by leaving your email in the box on the sidebar.

Capturing My Heart

Hi, friends!  Thank you for your encouragement and prayers last week.  It had just been one of those weeks full of writing for other projects, preparing for company and enjoying having Anson home for spring break.  I needed a blogging break, so thanks for hanging in there with me.

I've been thinking a lot about service this week and what it looks like to serve with humility.  I often tend to over-romanticize volunteering and opportunities for service.  I imagine big results, super-high spiritual feelings and long-term zeal.

What I'm actually learning to do by volunteering at our local women's shelter is to do the mundane with no noticeable results simply out of humility and obedience.  There's a lot of joy that comes with it, but it's different than what I expected.

Today, I'm happy to be guest blogging at my friend Cindy Finley's blog about what's led me to want to learn how to serve well.  Click here to read more.

Next week I'll have a series here from a remarkable woman who has found her life's fulfillment in serving vulnerable children.  You won't want to miss it!

I'm still learning to serve in humility.  What lessons can you share?

Someone Else's Inspiration

I love you, so I'm going to be honest...I've got nothin'.

I don't feel inspired to write anything, and I'm flat out of profound.  But here it is Thursday of the second week I haven't blogged, so I feel pressure.  I love you too much to bore you, though.

Instead of offering you lackluster, I decided I'd share a few of the blogs that DO inspire me to possibly introduce to you to new blogs.  Click on a few of these for real inspiration.

Ed Stetzer

The Nester

Lysa TerKeurst

Seth Godin

Carol Davis

Emily Freeman

Michael Hyatt

Thanks for being patient, friends!

Little Acts with Big Impact

One Monday morning while I was volunteering at our local domestic violence shelter, one of the staff members wished out loud, "It's so cold this morning.  I wish I had a big mug of hot chocolate.  It shouldn't be just any hot chocolate.  It needs to be made with MILK so that it's really yummy."

We all laughed and dreamed of frothy, thick hot chocolate together.

Several weeks later, I remembered my new friend's longing, and I picked up a tray full of hot chocolates on my way to the shelter.  I just spent a little money.  It only took a little time.

But those paper cups of hot chocolate had big impact.

As the staff ooo'd and ahhhh'd over their steaming drinks, I realized how truly over-worked and under-appreciated they are.  They have tough jobs, and my one little act done in the spur-of-the-moment brought big encouragement into their day.

It was a reminder to me to look for more ways to show people I care and appreciate them.  We live in a hard world, and it's important to wrap our loved ones in something cozy and soft once in a while.  In today's Encouragement for Today devotion, my friend Melanie did just that for me.

Here are a few ideas for reaching out with little acts to make big impact:

• Help a neighbor with a chore for free.
• Pick up the phone, call a friend, ask "How are you?" and really listen.
• Send someone an unexpected text to tell them one thing you love about them.
• Make care-bags with toiletries and a treat for homeless people you may pass.
• Send a hand-written note of encouragement.
• Mark your calendar to send a card to a friend on the year anniversary of their loved one.
• Choose someone you interact with regularly--a barista, someone at the bus stop, a sales clerk--and make sure to learn their name.  Strike up a conversation and then listen.
• Instead of taking a bag of second-hand treasures to your local thrift store drop off, ask a local charity for a name of a person to give your things to directly, and build a relationship.
• Take time to do something special--read a book, give a manicure--with an elderly, isolated neighbor or family member.
• Bake a plate of cookies for your local fire or police department.
• Pick flowers from your yard and deliver them to the lonely, new-girl on your block.

I hope this has gotten your create juices going.  I'd love for you to add to this list by leaving your ideas for little acts with big impact!